We Did It!!!

Team Oh Marvellous!

Every woman should take part in Race for Life, at some point.   Last night was a wonderful, empowering, emotional but fun experience.    I walked the 5k route with a group of nutty yet supportive friends.  It was a glorious summery evening, we could not have asked for better weather.   My children played with their friends in the park, with their Dads 'on-duty' watching over them.   The evening got off to a great start - I had arranged to meet my team outside the park's pub/restaurant, so it was only a matter of time before someone suggested a beer and then it miraculously appeared!   We guzzled down cold lager from ice cold glasses - a very refreshing treat on such hot day.  Before the race started we took part in a mass warm up taken by 2 aerobic instructors who were also joined by 3 semi naked men dancing about to "I'm Sexy and I Know It", this certainly made for a fun atmosphere even though every woman taking part had their own sobering reasons for being in the race.   

Me with my Mum and lovely nephew

Before we stepped the pace up

Onwards March!

It's very emotional when women come together in this kind of way.  We are excellent at supporting each other and expressing our sadness and joy.  Reading all the messages people put on their backs is a stark reminder of just how many people are affected by cancer.  These days it seems that everyone you know has been touched by it in some way.  I'm holding onto the thought that research and development in drugs etc seems to be improving in leaps and bounds, so I reckon in another 10 years time the picture will have changed and their certainly will be fewer cancer related deaths.  But the research could not take place without funding and events such as Race for Life are vital.  

That's why I am so proud to say that our team has raised in excess of £3,000!!!  And, just to be cheeky, its not too late to sponsor me and the Team - just click here to go to my JustGiving page.

The Race itself took a route through a park I have been visiting since I was baby.  It holds many special memories for me and is a very beautiful place, especially the forest at the back.  So peaceful and calm, I shall definitely be exploring the pathways again with my own children.   If it weren't for my friends walking with me, I could easily have dawdled the route and ended up right at the back, but thanks to a friend being a very good pace-maker I pushed myself, especially up the hills and felt all the better for it.  And we made certain we didn't come through the finish line last!  Some of my Team, including my 10 year old nephew, actually ran the whole thing - very impressive!  Maybe that is what I should aim for next year?

We all received a medal for our efforts along with a goodie bag and some water.  We ended this memorable evening by popping some corks on some bubbly and raising a glass to each other for me being SO MARVELLOUS!!   I am truly grateful to everyone who supported me either my joining my team or sponsoring us.   Now, I need to go have a snooze and then soak these aching muscles! xx

In the pink

Just another day in my marvellous life! I've been rushing around Asda buying pink bubbly for a VERY pink occasion - Race for Life tomorrow night, followed by dashing in to the hospital for an ultra sound appointment. Not the cutesy and very exciting ultra sound scan you have when expecting a baby. No. The other kind, that detects unwanted lumps and bumps. It's OK though! Do not worry.  This time I knew exactly what they would find and what they would do about it.   I had a fluid filled lump in my armpit, a by product of the breast operation I had back in February. So all the nice doctor did was locate it using the ultra sound scanner thingy and then stick a needle in it and drain it off. I was relieved to see the thing on the screen, confirmation that I wasn't imagining the lump and discomfort, and even more relieved to see it disappear in front of my very eyes!   Unfortunately it will probably come back, my body just keeps producing too much fluid, trying to repair itself following the op, but its nothing to worry about. 

So, on a lighter note I'm all ready for the Race tomorrow! I am equipped with bright pink wig, pink nails, pink jogging bottoms, pink feather boa, and of course pink race number, and more importantly 14 other equally pink friends and family to back me up - well, make sure I actually finish the 5k route, one way or another!  Physically, I'm not at my peek of fitness, as you can imagine. But luckily the side effects from my 4th dose of chemo have subsided, and apart from a mouth as dry as Ghandi's flip flop with a chemical taste thrown in, I'm doing well and tomorrow night's little walk will not phase me. I've been really touched by the fact that 14 ladies have signed up to do the race along side me, they are all in my team and very much 'in my corner' for the battle I've been going through. Even my dear Mum has joined the team. 30 years my senior and fit and active (for her age), she'll probably walk the race faster than me! It must have been horrendous for her processing the news that I had breast cancer, a mother's worse nightmare, but she remains strong and positive for me - I hope I will be able to do the same if I ever find myself in a similar situation.  Which brings me to talk about my Darling Son.  During one stressful tea-time last week when all three us (me and the kids) completely lost the plot and ended up in tears, he made it known that he wasn't happy about his mum being 'a baldy'.  I was giving him a big hug and asking him what was the matter with him, trying to find the root cause of the tea-time tears when he said "I don't like it when people have bald heads".   My poor boy, I had taken off my head scarf as I was getting hot from cooking and hadn't given it a thought.   He has seen me au naturel many times, and I really thought he was getting used to it, but obviously not.   Actually, even I, when I catch my reflection in the bedroom mirror get a bit of a shock!  I try to wear my wig out and about as much as possible, but I still feel very self conscious with it on and am convinced that, truthfully, it just looks ridiculous!  Especially once the wind has gotten to it.   On the other hand I have noticed many quizzical looks from other children in the school playground when I'm wearing my headscarf.   One little boy even asked his mum why I am dressing 'like a pirate'.  It's a fair question and perfectly understandable for these little ones to be a bit confused, I just hope I haven't caused too many awkward questions for the other mums.  Let's face it, none of us really want our kids knowing about the big C at such a young age.  My husband says I need to wear whatever is most comfortable for me, and he's right but when you are around young children a lot it's just not that simple.  So, roll on 'my new hair'.   Apparently your hair starts growing  back straight after your last treatment.  This has to be to be an exaggeration, as how can it know it's your last treatment?!  So, it's bound to take another 4 weeks or so before the cells dare to start getting busy again.

Anyhow, tomorrow night I'm going to have crazy pink hair just like Stephanie from Lazy Town.   And I'm going to walk the Race for Life as quickly as I can without passing out!   Photos and a post to follow tomorrow night or Thursday morning, depending on what state I am in!!

Thank you again to everyone who has sponsored me and the Team.  We've nearly reached our target of £3,000 which is totally amazing!  This money will be spent on life changing research and support for people like me.

Blurred vision!

So I had my 4th dose of chemo on Friday, it was a new drug to me, called Docetaxel or Tax for short. I was really dreading it, but actually the administering of it went well and I felt really good up until the evening. Then I just felt tired so went to bed early, but I find it so hard to switch off properly. My body seems to be on high alert and twitching a lot!! Then yesterday I noticed my eye sight is really blurry. I had to drive to town and made it there and back but didn't enjoy the experience! I've read up on it and it seems to be a fairly common side effect but I must tell my Oncologist ASAP, so will ring him tomorrow. Despite all this, I've managed to have a little ride on my new bike today, do some washing up, ironing and even painted my nails! Although please don't look too closely at them! I collected the Race for Life t-shirts from the printers. They look cool, I kept it simple, but I'm a bit concerned that the sizes are all a bit tight!! So we'll all be looking bootiful and busty on the night!! Lol! I can't believe the race for life is getting so close. There's every chance I will be Neutropenic at the time, but I'm sure I will cope. Just a nice leisurely walk for me! I'm really looking forward to immersing myself in the atmosphere, it will be truly inspiring and empowering I am sure.

Chemo Brain

Chemo Brain is worse than ‘baby brain’.  Anyone who has ever been pregnant will back me up here, right from the moment that little embryo starts growing and developing your mind power isn’t quite what it was before, and this is magnified once your dear little one arrives and you don’t have a decent nights sleep (in some cases, ever again!).  You start doing silly things like loading the washing machine but not turning it on, putting the car keys in the fridge, leaving your car unlocked even though you checked it twice by pressing the key fob button or driving off with your purse on the roof!   Well in my experience having chemotherapy treatment is very similar.    Yesterday I put a dishwasher tablet in the washing machine drawer! I frequently forget people’s names, including my own children’s. And anything can happen when I'm required to concentrate fully on a task, like cooking a dinner!!    

My BF likened the whole of my breast cancer treatment to a bad pregnancy, and I can see she was right.  It is about 9 months of feeling nauseous, tired, bloated, gaining weight, having a bad taste in your mouth, broken sleep and suffering aches and pains.    You get stuck with needles every few weeks, tested for this that and the other and told not to eat certain foods (when neutropenic you should avoid ALL uncooked food).   Of course the main difference is what you get at the end of those hellish 9 months.   But are they so different?  On the one hand you get a beautiful baby, a new life.  A reason to celebrate.  Something to love and cherish, nurture and watch grow.  On the other, I will get… a new life, my own.  Hopefully and if I do the job right, I will feel healthier than I have ever before.  A fresh start, something to celebrate, love, cherish, nurture and watch grow.  Looking at it like that, its worth the shitty 9 months and is actually quite exciting!

I owe a lot to my BF for putting me in this positive mindset – thank you Mrs A, I Do Love You! x

The A&E dash

I was going to write about my Chemo Brain - its worse than 'baby brain'!  But then last night I was taken ill, and have spent all morning today at A&E so thought I'd tell you about this little adventure first!
I have no idea whether I picked up a tummy bug or got food poisoning from eating a rotiserie chicken (not very wise on my part, but oh SO tempting!), but at about 2 a.m this morning I was woken with a start, made a quick dash to the loo and was violently 'ill' from both ends - sorry too much info I know.  But this is the front line people!    As today is my 12th day since my 3rd dose of chemo, I am on neutropenia alert.  My Fast Pass (which rushes us chemo patients through the A&E waiting room) states you must attend A&E if you have diarrohea.  Or if you have a fever, which I did.   Before we rushed off up the hospital, I did phone the Helpline number and an Oncologist rang me back.  He said to take my anti-sickness medicine and see how I went.   So I did that and wasn't sick again, but then my temperature spiked up to 37.9c.  In these situations its really hard to know what to do for the best.  If you go to A&E you know you can expect to be there, waiting, for the best part of 4 hours, they might even admit you in which case you are there for 3 days or more, and no one wants that do they!! But if you stay home, hoping to ride it out, it's quite scary, as you don't really know how your immune system is coping with whatever you've got and in the middle of the night, I have on a few occasions been too scared to sleep in case I don't wake up!   So really, if I have any of the symptoms mentioned on my Fast Pass I know that doing the right thing and getting to A&E a.s.a.p has to be done - it's just such a pain in the arse!!  I am very lucky to have some fabulous friends locally to me, who I know will help with looking after the kids when me and DH make a mad dash for the hospital.  This is such a relief.   Good friends and family (of course) are worth their weight in gold.   Without wishing anything bad to happen to my nearest and dearest, I hope to one day, be able to repay the love and support I have received from them.

One last thing - I think Nurses are amazing!!! There was this male nurse at A&E who was just so cheerful, courteous and GOOD at his job, that I couldn't fail to be in awe of him.   When you think of what he has to deal with on a daily basis, it's amazing that he can maintain such a positive, happy attitude.  It must be a very rewarding job, not in monetary terms of course, but rewarding to the soul.   I came away thinking maybe I should retrain to become a nurse, but truth is, I definitely don't have the stomach for it!!

My new look - skinhead.

Despite my last post, I took the decision to get my head shaved one more time - take it all off!   Since before my 3rd dose, my hair loss has been significant each day, especially when washing it - it made such a mess in the shower.  Trying to stop the plug hole from getting blocked was tricky and then cleaning out the shower tray afterwards, rather depressing and time consuming.

So this morning my DH carefully shaved my head for the second time.  It's as short as you can get it with clippers, the next step will be the razor for that smooth, shiny look, but it may not be necessary.

I did struggle with making the decision to do this, but I'm glad that I have.  I feel like the balance of power is back with me.

So what d'ya reckon?!  shall I get myself some more piercings and 'tatts' to complete the look?!

My kids are not very happy with the new look, my daughter is more curious and vocal about it than my son.   "You look funny Mummy" was one of her comments, fair enough, I guess I do and I'm not looking at myself all the time am I!  Its everyone else that has to put up with my appearance.  I am not that keen on wearing a wig, I just think it looks so fake and the ones that I have got are not quite good enough! So I am going to look into getting a better one.

I've got a new book (Anti-Cancer) to read and after only a few pages in, its spurring me on to fight this fight properly.  Take responsibility for my future.    Everyone should read this book, I'll happily lend it out once I'm done with.  If there is a way for me to stop this thing coming back, I am going to do what I can.  I've got a lot of life to live, people and places to see, seeing my children get married and holding their babies - it's all ahead of me.   I just cant wait to put this behind me and get on with the rest of my life! xx

HALF WAY THERE!

3 DOWN – 3 TO GO!!!

I had my third dose of FEC chemo today, at my local hospital which will be my last visit there.  The next 3 doses are a different drug called Tax, which is stronger and there’s a greater risk of side effects as they give it to you, so I have to go to a different specialist Cancer Unit for that.  I felt emotional about leaving the safe, familiarity of my local chemo unit – I am wondering how the next 3 doses will go and whether the staff will be as friendly, helpful and reassuring as those I have already experienced – let’s hope so!

This dose went well, the only slight hiccup was the veins in my hand are bruised from a previous blood test, so for a while the nurse wasn’t sure where she could administer the drugs, but she found a small vein and with the help of lots of heat pads, the drugs went in smoothly and relatively pain free.    I’m learning something new all the time – must make sure all future blood tests are taken from my arm, well away from my hand.  Sounds obvious now but it’s easy to just assume all the nurses know exactly what you are going through and would think of these things, but they don’t.

My top tips for receiving your poison, as comfortably as possible are:

·      Drink plenty of water the day before and that morning;

·      Wear warm layers of clothing – your veins respond better if you are warm and hydrated;

·      Make sure you do a last minute wee just before the drugs go in – it can take a while for them all to be administered;

·      Suck on an ice pop or similar, it should help to minimize any sore mouth problems after;

·      Try the cold cap for your first session – even if you only wear it once, as I did, you can say you gave it a go.  I’m not bald yet and I am sure that wearing it that one time has enabled me to hang on to my hair for longer.

Talking about the hair – everyone is different but if you are going to try the cold cap, I would highly recommend getting yours cut into a short elfin style BEFORE you start treatment.  I say this because I experienced considerable hair thinning just before my 2^nd dose, which lead to me getting it shaved.  My hair was in a chin length bob before and as it thinned it gave the impression of losing LOTS of hair, however since shaving my hair and stopping with the cold cap, the hair loss has slowed down, so maybe I was a bit hasty.  If you get your hair cut short in the first place, this will help the cold cap do its job better,  make your hair easier to look after and any thinning you do get will not look quite as dramatic if its shorter.   Thus avoiding any knee jerk reactions like shaving your head!

I am happy with my new look but in hindsight I think doing the above would have worked better for me.

Heard some excellent news today!! I don’t read the papers but I hear there has been a major breakthrough in Breast Cancer research.  The future looks brighter for people like me – read here for more info.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/genetic-test-could-pave-the-way-for-breast-cancer-magic-bullets-7658168.html

Also on another really positive note, so far my Race for Life Team have raised an enormous £2,095!!! I am so delighted, it means so much to do something worth while.    I really do need to get out there and start training.   Walking every day, at a good pace is my aim – just wish the bloody weather would dry up.

I am well aware that the single most important thing I can do to help myself beat this thing – is exercise!  The chemo side effects keep putting me off, but I think I’m just gonna have to kick them into touch by getting on with it!