In the pink

Just another day in my marvellous life! I've been rushing around Asda buying pink bubbly for a VERY pink occasion - Race for Life tomorrow night, followed by dashing in to the hospital for an ultra sound appointment. Not the cutesy and very exciting ultra sound scan you have when expecting a baby. No. The other kind, that detects unwanted lumps and bumps. It's OK though! Do not worry.  This time I knew exactly what they would find and what they would do about it.   I had a fluid filled lump in my armpit, a by product of the breast operation I had back in February. So all the nice doctor did was locate it using the ultra sound scanner thingy and then stick a needle in it and drain it off. I was relieved to see the thing on the screen, confirmation that I wasn't imagining the lump and discomfort, and even more relieved to see it disappear in front of my very eyes!   Unfortunately it will probably come back, my body just keeps producing too much fluid, trying to repair itself following the op, but its nothing to worry about. 

So, on a lighter note I'm all ready for the Race tomorrow! I am equipped with bright pink wig, pink nails, pink jogging bottoms, pink feather boa, and of course pink race number, and more importantly 14 other equally pink friends and family to back me up - well, make sure I actually finish the 5k route, one way or another!  Physically, I'm not at my peek of fitness, as you can imagine. But luckily the side effects from my 4th dose of chemo have subsided, and apart from a mouth as dry as Ghandi's flip flop with a chemical taste thrown in, I'm doing well and tomorrow night's little walk will not phase me. I've been really touched by the fact that 14 ladies have signed up to do the race along side me, they are all in my team and very much 'in my corner' for the battle I've been going through. Even my dear Mum has joined the team. 30 years my senior and fit and active (for her age), she'll probably walk the race faster than me! It must have been horrendous for her processing the news that I had breast cancer, a mother's worse nightmare, but she remains strong and positive for me - I hope I will be able to do the same if I ever find myself in a similar situation.  Which brings me to talk about my Darling Son.  During one stressful tea-time last week when all three us (me and the kids) completely lost the plot and ended up in tears, he made it known that he wasn't happy about his mum being 'a baldy'.  I was giving him a big hug and asking him what was the matter with him, trying to find the root cause of the tea-time tears when he said "I don't like it when people have bald heads".   My poor boy, I had taken off my head scarf as I was getting hot from cooking and hadn't given it a thought.   He has seen me au naturel many times, and I really thought he was getting used to it, but obviously not.   Actually, even I, when I catch my reflection in the bedroom mirror get a bit of a shock!  I try to wear my wig out and about as much as possible, but I still feel very self conscious with it on and am convinced that, truthfully, it just looks ridiculous!  Especially once the wind has gotten to it.   On the other hand I have noticed many quizzical looks from other children in the school playground when I'm wearing my headscarf.   One little boy even asked his mum why I am dressing 'like a pirate'.  It's a fair question and perfectly understandable for these little ones to be a bit confused, I just hope I haven't caused too many awkward questions for the other mums.  Let's face it, none of us really want our kids knowing about the big C at such a young age.  My husband says I need to wear whatever is most comfortable for me, and he's right but when you are around young children a lot it's just not that simple.  So, roll on 'my new hair'.   Apparently your hair starts growing  back straight after your last treatment.  This has to be to be an exaggeration, as how can it know it's your last treatment?!  So, it's bound to take another 4 weeks or so before the cells dare to start getting busy again.

Anyhow, tomorrow night I'm going to have crazy pink hair just like Stephanie from Lazy Town.   And I'm going to walk the Race for Life as quickly as I can without passing out!   Photos and a post to follow tomorrow night or Thursday morning, depending on what state I am in!!

Thank you again to everyone who has sponsored me and the Team.  We've nearly reached our target of £3,000 which is totally amazing!  This money will be spent on life changing research and support for people like me.

HALF WAY THERE!

3 DOWN – 3 TO GO!!!

I had my third dose of FEC chemo today, at my local hospital which will be my last visit there.  The next 3 doses are a different drug called Tax, which is stronger and there’s a greater risk of side effects as they give it to you, so I have to go to a different specialist Cancer Unit for that.  I felt emotional about leaving the safe, familiarity of my local chemo unit – I am wondering how the next 3 doses will go and whether the staff will be as friendly, helpful and reassuring as those I have already experienced – let’s hope so!

This dose went well, the only slight hiccup was the veins in my hand are bruised from a previous blood test, so for a while the nurse wasn’t sure where she could administer the drugs, but she found a small vein and with the help of lots of heat pads, the drugs went in smoothly and relatively pain free.    I’m learning something new all the time – must make sure all future blood tests are taken from my arm, well away from my hand.  Sounds obvious now but it’s easy to just assume all the nurses know exactly what you are going through and would think of these things, but they don’t.

My top tips for receiving your poison, as comfortably as possible are:

·      Drink plenty of water the day before and that morning;

·      Wear warm layers of clothing – your veins respond better if you are warm and hydrated;

·      Make sure you do a last minute wee just before the drugs go in – it can take a while for them all to be administered;

·      Suck on an ice pop or similar, it should help to minimize any sore mouth problems after;

·      Try the cold cap for your first session – even if you only wear it once, as I did, you can say you gave it a go.  I’m not bald yet and I am sure that wearing it that one time has enabled me to hang on to my hair for longer.

Talking about the hair – everyone is different but if you are going to try the cold cap, I would highly recommend getting yours cut into a short elfin style BEFORE you start treatment.  I say this because I experienced considerable hair thinning just before my 2^nd dose, which lead to me getting it shaved.  My hair was in a chin length bob before and as it thinned it gave the impression of losing LOTS of hair, however since shaving my hair and stopping with the cold cap, the hair loss has slowed down, so maybe I was a bit hasty.  If you get your hair cut short in the first place, this will help the cold cap do its job better,  make your hair easier to look after and any thinning you do get will not look quite as dramatic if its shorter.   Thus avoiding any knee jerk reactions like shaving your head!

I am happy with my new look but in hindsight I think doing the above would have worked better for me.

Heard some excellent news today!! I don’t read the papers but I hear there has been a major breakthrough in Breast Cancer research.  The future looks brighter for people like me – read here for more info.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/genetic-test-could-pave-the-way-for-breast-cancer-magic-bullets-7658168.html

Also on another really positive note, so far my Race for Life Team have raised an enormous £2,095!!! I am so delighted, it means so much to do something worth while.    I really do need to get out there and start training.   Walking every day, at a good pace is my aim – just wish the bloody weather would dry up.

I am well aware that the single most important thing I can do to help myself beat this thing – is exercise!  The chemo side effects keep putting me off, but I think I’m just gonna have to kick them into touch by getting on with it!

Hair today gone tomorrow....

The last 3-4 days my hair has been shedding a fair bit.   I had been hopefully thinking it would slow down or stop, but it’s the not knowing that has finally got to me.   Plus, this morning on the way to the hospital I had a bad headache and I just could not bear the thought of sitting with the cold cap on for 4 hours!!   Wondering and waiting to see if I will lose all my hair has been causing me considerable stress and worry, and it has been falling out bit by bit anyway, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.  Enough wondering and worrying, I declined the cold cap at chemo today and it was such a relief!!!   My DH has a set of clippers he uses regularly on his own head, so very shortly he will be shaving my head! And maybe we can even get the kids to help!  They are naturally quite worried about having a baldy for a mum, so hopefully if they can see it happening or even help it will be less of a shock for them.

Now that I have decided what to do and am taking action, at the moment at least, I feel good about it.   Once its done I am sure I will shed a few tears and it will take a while to get used to the chilly feeling!    My DH will obviously have to get his head around it too!   As he rightly said “I look at you more than you do!”

Hours later………

The deed is done!   My DH has shaved my head to a number 4.  He had to be brave too.  So I now look like I am joining the army, or like I’m ready to join the Gay Pride March (sorry I’m not usually one for stereotyping people but in this case, it’s true – see pic!)

I’m proud to say I haven’t shed a tear at all.  I feel liberated and would happily walk around with my nearly bare head on show, if it wasn’t so flaming chilly!!   It is very short at the back, and not very attractive, so this morning I braved my first trip out wearing a wig!!   I have to say how grateful I am to Marilyn at The Olive Tree for lending me a couple of wigs to tide me over until my new one arrives.   The Olive Tree is an amazing oasis of calm for people like me where we can  have lots of lovely complimentary therapy treatments and support.  There is always someone there to talk to and its just one minute walk from the hospital where I have my chemo – perfect!  

So I was very brave going out on the school run for the first time wearing Honey – she is a honey blond bob, a little too ‘big’ for my liking but not bad.   My lovely mates at the school playground were very supportive.  Honey is rather itchy though, especially at the back of my neck.  I’m much happier with a head scarf or hat on, but then my appearance does tend to scream “cancer patient” rather loudly! – it’s much easier to blend in with a wig on although I feel more self conscious.

My kids have been a bit unsettled by my dramatic change of appearance.  They didn’t get off to sleep til nearly 9.45 p.m last night! But that could be Easter excitement too.  They definitely prefer it when I cover my head up, though my son (age 7) is rather embarrassed by it all, bless him.   It will take them time to adjust.

So that’s 2 Chemo sessions down – 4 to go!! Whoop Whoop!!   Today I feel pretty good. No sickness or nausea.   I’m tired – but what’s new there then!!

Tomorrow will bring a new hurdle - injecting myself in the belly with a drug called GCSF which will boost my white blood cells and hopefully avoid another stay in hospital after day 10.  I'll let you know how I get on! xx

Home time!!

After one night in A&E I was moved to a ward but in a side room. I had to keep visitors to minimum and as there's so many colds around at the mo, each of them had to wear a face mask when in the room with me. It's been very isolating and sometimes scary, but thanks to the antibiotics and other drugs they have been pumping into me, I'm all better now and ready to go home!!! Whoop whoop!! 3 nights in hospital is plenty thanks.
I am SO sick of needles. Today I had one stuck in my left boob to drain off some fluid built up since my op, that didn't bother me cos that boob is actually numb now!! Then a needle stuck in my armpit 3 times so drain off fluid from there - which I didn't even know was there til this morning! On the ultra sound scan any fluid shows up as black masses but when the doc tried to drain the fluid off (2 times) nothing would come. So for about 2 heart stopping minutes I thought that big black mass was another tumour!!! But then he gave it one last try and thank god, liquid started to flow into the syringe! Haaaaaaa ... And breath.
So my White blood cells are very high now as they've been given a boost, my 'obs' are normal and roll on 5.30pm when the Hubster is coming to get me!!
I must say I have been really happy with the level of care and treatment I've had. The NHS is doing a great job and we should really be grateful for it. I am very bad at keeping up with the news but I know that it's all about to change and the Government are going to wreck it all. We should all care and do what we can to save the NHS!! I never dreamed I would find myself where I am today but there you go, we are all vulnerable to illness and disease and the NHS is one the best medical services in the world! If you want to find out more about joining the fight to save the NHS then visit the 38 degrees website. http://www.38degrees.org.uk/

I'll get off my soap box now.

I could have a whinge about the hospital food, but I am sure they do their best on a very small budget!! Here's some pics of the delights you can look forward to - let it be motivation for you to do all you can to keep fit and healthy!!!
My friends and family have been complimenting my hospital diet with homemade veg soup, healthy snacks and scrummy treats so don't take pity on me too much!
Lastly just to update you on the chemo hair situation - my head hair is thinning a wee bit but I'm confident the cold cap was a success. Eyelashes and eyebrows are still in tact. Thursday 29th is chemo no 2 so we shall see how my body deals with that! My oncologist can give me more drugs to avoid a repeat of this weeks drama.
So, watch this space... And thanks for reading!! Xxxx

My adventures in A&E

Well life took a rather dramatic turn yesterday! Monday night I had a really bad headache, was a good girl and took my temp before taking some paracetomol, went to bed and felt ok. Then Tuesday after the school run I had a headache again and started to feel cold and shivery. When I commenced my chemo they gave me a special "fast pass" which I should use at A&E if I was feeling unwell. So I rang my hospital where I'm having the chemo and they told me to go to A&E without delay and use my Fast Pass. Sounds like something you get at Disney World. Well this has been rollercoaster ride, without the fun!!
I rushed through A&E which made me feel important but had to wait a while. It's the first time I've been. It's another world. Doctors and nurses, porters and ambulance men all rushing about, busy busy. You HAVE to ring your bell to get their attention! They put a canular in my arm and took my blood, rushed it off for testing. They were looking to see if I was Neutropenic, which I realise now, I am. This means my neutrophil count is zero, as is my White blood cell count - meaning my body has no way to fight infection. This is a result of the chemo dose I had 13 days ago now. Apparently the Oncologist might be able to change my dose a bit to avoid this happening again. In the meantime I am stuck here! For 3 days. Possibly more I have just been told!!
I have spent the night in A&E. Luckily (every cloud...) cos of my condition and have shut away in a side room to minimise the risk of further infection. This is far more preferable to being 'out there'. Out there is constant noise, machines beeping, nurses talking, patients moaning and groaning. One poor person keeps having fits and makes a scary moaning sound throughout. Another lady of 95 was calling out yesterday, constantly "pleease help me!". The nurses were helping her but there is little they could do to calm her down it seemed.
At 4am today another lady was screaming "don't go, don't go" over and over. A&E is a scary place! I do feel somewhat protected though behind my door. I've even got an en-suite shower room!! Apparently, when a side room becomes available on a ward, they will move me. So, to help me get better they are giving me intravenous anti-biotics and an injection to raise my blood count.
Being told you are neutropenic is really rather scary. I'll let you google it. But I'm in the right place and the drugs appear to be helping - my temp is not as high now (39 when I was admitted).
I'm still not sure if I actually have an infection. They are going to investigate the wound where I had my lumpectomy. So watch this space for more news as I've done this blog with the mobile app. I seriously would be lost without my iPhone!!!
I attach some pics of the culinary delights they have here :)