Happy Birthday to me!

Hello, I'm back - apologies for the massive gap in posts but y'know Christmas just got in the way. Plus, I haven't had that much to talk about really.    All is quiet on the cancer front.    The doctors aren't in any hurry to have me back for a check-up, even though they said they would - so early in January I got on the phone and chased them up, and the very efficient secretary sent me an appointment in the post 2 days later.  So my check-up back at the Breast Clinic is next Thursday.   I think it will probably just be a 'chat' and then they'll want me back again for a mammogram sometime in February.   Apparently they can't do one within a year of a breast operation.  Good job too, as a mammogram is painful enough without having tender scar tissue to contend with.  

So today is my birthday, I am the ripe old age of 39 - derr derr derrrrrrr!! Knock knock knocking on the BIG 4.0.    I don't care about what age I am at all, I care more about the age I feel!  and thanks to my efforts at getting fit during the past month or so, I feel about .... 35! Well its a start isn't it.

I have kept to my word about exercising - generally speaking....I have exercised between 3 & 5 times per week since my last post.    Apart from a week after Christmas where I felt under the weather, the lurgy was trying to get me, and it succeeded for a while.   However I got off lightly and bounced back after a day or two.    My trick for fighting the coughs and colds of winter is, as soon as you feel it coming on, dose yourself up on cold remedies, especially Night Nurse at bedtime but also boost the amount of veg you eat.   Green veg mainly, if you can stomach blitzing some greens (cucumber, spinach & rocket) along with water and a dash of lemon juice in a blender and making a Green Smoothie so much the better, because it really does help.   My husband says it tastes rank but I don't agree - you can practically taste the vitamins!

I really wish it wasn't so freezing cold out though, as I want to get running.  I've been using my new Wii Just Dance 4 game to burn some calories and get moving, plus I had my first session back at yoga after the Christmas break this week.  I have really missed it, and although I occasionally used my yoga App, it's not the same.   I love the way yoga slowly builds strength and stamina in your muscles whilst helping your mind to focus then relax in such a blissful way.   

Anyhow I have a new exercise craze to get into, which I'm really excited about - Kettlebells!!!  Basically it's weight training, but is increasing in popularity especially amongst women as it burns calories FAST.   In a 20 minute workout you can burn about 300 calories!  Sounds good to me.   This is the set of Kettlebells I received today for my birthday:

I won't be touching the 8kg one for a very long time (if ever), my hubbie can have that one!  But the 2 and 4 kg will definitely get some use.   As I have said before though, my main focus for all this exercise is to be fit, not thin.   I don't own a pair of scales, and like to keep it that way because I think it is easy to become obsessed about what you weigh.     Out of interest though, I stepped on the scales at Boots the other day.  I am 10 stone.   Which at 5ft 2" is just tipping into the "over weight" bracket, so I need to sort that out and get down to 9 stone at least.    Kettlebell training will burn the fat but also tone up my muscles - perfect.  So watch this space - I haven't actually done any yet!! Tomorrow will be day 1.

Bring.it.on.

On another note - New Year's resolutions, everyone should make them.   Mine are:

1.  Obviously, to get fit - I intend on running the 5k Race for Life this summer, without it killing me.

2.  Enjoy and savor time with my kids more.

3.  Not let other people's opinions of me/my choices in life affect me. 

4.  Live in the moment.

5.  Blog more regularly.

On that note, I will say farewell.   I have red wine and crispy duck on the menu for my birthday dinner!

Silver Lining

Sorry I've been so quiet.    I am VERY happy that I have had my last chemo - over a week ago actually! but I am just rather bored of this whole cancer/chemo thing and haven't felt inspired to write anything.    I am tired, mentally and physically, it's a side effect of the treatment - there are many side effects which I have written about before, but the fatigue I've experienced this time round has been something else.    That combined with the soreness and constant chemical taste in my mouth, makes me feel crappy, oh did I mention my sore feet?! - they hurt even in bed.  Anyway, I don't want to be all doom and gloom, whinging.   I've just got to work through it and keep telling myself it will all pass - in a week or so.  I am very lucky I don't have to live in pain constantly like many people do and I know exactly what is causing all my discomforts.

I've got lots of lovely things to look forward to!   Mini break for the hubsters birthday, spa day and a holiday in Majorca during August.  Bring it on!   I'm hoping that by August I'll have enough hair on my head to feel confident going out and about without a wig or head scarf.   My hair is growing but I'm still sporting the "fluffy chick" look.   But you can see my scalp shining through! not a good look.

I'm looking ahead to getting back to 'normal'.   My darling daughter said to me yesterday "When breast cancer has finished Mummy, will you come swimming with us?"  Bless the child.   I have avoided swimming pools throughout my treatment as I believe they are a breeding ground for germs.  I haven't been to work since February!! and I am looking forward to getting back into a routine, getting out of the house a bit more and exercising my brain as well as my body.   Today is the first day I am drug free! and can hopefully stay that way.

My treatment will finish after 4 weeks of radiotherapy in September.  This will blast any remaining cancer cells that have escaped the chemo and give me the very best odds on the cancer never returning.   Apparently radiotherapy doesn't make you feel ill, just makes the skin sore, like sunburn - so I will have one sore, yet cancer free left tit come October!!

I've also been making the most of some therapy sessions at The Olive Tree.   This registered charity is a wonderfully supportive place for cancer sufferers and their families.    Patients in my area are very lucky that this place exists.   Organisations such as this are supporting patients and complimenting the hard work of the NHS up and down the country.    Oh and whilst I mention the NHS - isn't it great!?!!  MOST patients receive excellent care on a daily basis.   No matter what background you come from or how much money you have - you can get FREE healthcare here in the UK.  This does not happen all around the world.   Let's hope this Government doesn't mess it all up for us and our future.    Please visit the 38 Degrees website if you want to help SAVE THE NHS.

Finally, I must just say how chuffed I am that my Race for Life Team "Oh Marvellous!" have now raised the total sum of £3,740 for Cancer Research UK!!   I am amazed at this figure and am so glad that such a positive thing has evolved from my diagnosis.     This has reaffirmed my belief that "every cloud has a silver lining".

In the pink

Just another day in my marvellous life! I've been rushing around Asda buying pink bubbly for a VERY pink occasion - Race for Life tomorrow night, followed by dashing in to the hospital for an ultra sound appointment. Not the cutesy and very exciting ultra sound scan you have when expecting a baby. No. The other kind, that detects unwanted lumps and bumps. It's OK though! Do not worry.  This time I knew exactly what they would find and what they would do about it.   I had a fluid filled lump in my armpit, a by product of the breast operation I had back in February. So all the nice doctor did was locate it using the ultra sound scanner thingy and then stick a needle in it and drain it off. I was relieved to see the thing on the screen, confirmation that I wasn't imagining the lump and discomfort, and even more relieved to see it disappear in front of my very eyes!   Unfortunately it will probably come back, my body just keeps producing too much fluid, trying to repair itself following the op, but its nothing to worry about. 

So, on a lighter note I'm all ready for the Race tomorrow! I am equipped with bright pink wig, pink nails, pink jogging bottoms, pink feather boa, and of course pink race number, and more importantly 14 other equally pink friends and family to back me up - well, make sure I actually finish the 5k route, one way or another!  Physically, I'm not at my peek of fitness, as you can imagine. But luckily the side effects from my 4th dose of chemo have subsided, and apart from a mouth as dry as Ghandi's flip flop with a chemical taste thrown in, I'm doing well and tomorrow night's little walk will not phase me. I've been really touched by the fact that 14 ladies have signed up to do the race along side me, they are all in my team and very much 'in my corner' for the battle I've been going through. Even my dear Mum has joined the team. 30 years my senior and fit and active (for her age), she'll probably walk the race faster than me! It must have been horrendous for her processing the news that I had breast cancer, a mother's worse nightmare, but she remains strong and positive for me - I hope I will be able to do the same if I ever find myself in a similar situation.  Which brings me to talk about my Darling Son.  During one stressful tea-time last week when all three us (me and the kids) completely lost the plot and ended up in tears, he made it known that he wasn't happy about his mum being 'a baldy'.  I was giving him a big hug and asking him what was the matter with him, trying to find the root cause of the tea-time tears when he said "I don't like it when people have bald heads".   My poor boy, I had taken off my head scarf as I was getting hot from cooking and hadn't given it a thought.   He has seen me au naturel many times, and I really thought he was getting used to it, but obviously not.   Actually, even I, when I catch my reflection in the bedroom mirror get a bit of a shock!  I try to wear my wig out and about as much as possible, but I still feel very self conscious with it on and am convinced that, truthfully, it just looks ridiculous!  Especially once the wind has gotten to it.   On the other hand I have noticed many quizzical looks from other children in the school playground when I'm wearing my headscarf.   One little boy even asked his mum why I am dressing 'like a pirate'.  It's a fair question and perfectly understandable for these little ones to be a bit confused, I just hope I haven't caused too many awkward questions for the other mums.  Let's face it, none of us really want our kids knowing about the big C at such a young age.  My husband says I need to wear whatever is most comfortable for me, and he's right but when you are around young children a lot it's just not that simple.  So, roll on 'my new hair'.   Apparently your hair starts growing  back straight after your last treatment.  This has to be to be an exaggeration, as how can it know it's your last treatment?!  So, it's bound to take another 4 weeks or so before the cells dare to start getting busy again.

Anyhow, tomorrow night I'm going to have crazy pink hair just like Stephanie from Lazy Town.   And I'm going to walk the Race for Life as quickly as I can without passing out!   Photos and a post to follow tomorrow night or Thursday morning, depending on what state I am in!!

Thank you again to everyone who has sponsored me and the Team.  We've nearly reached our target of £3,000 which is totally amazing!  This money will be spent on life changing research and support for people like me.

HALF WAY THERE!

3 DOWN – 3 TO GO!!!

I had my third dose of FEC chemo today, at my local hospital which will be my last visit there.  The next 3 doses are a different drug called Tax, which is stronger and there’s a greater risk of side effects as they give it to you, so I have to go to a different specialist Cancer Unit for that.  I felt emotional about leaving the safe, familiarity of my local chemo unit – I am wondering how the next 3 doses will go and whether the staff will be as friendly, helpful and reassuring as those I have already experienced – let’s hope so!

This dose went well, the only slight hiccup was the veins in my hand are bruised from a previous blood test, so for a while the nurse wasn’t sure where she could administer the drugs, but she found a small vein and with the help of lots of heat pads, the drugs went in smoothly and relatively pain free.    I’m learning something new all the time – must make sure all future blood tests are taken from my arm, well away from my hand.  Sounds obvious now but it’s easy to just assume all the nurses know exactly what you are going through and would think of these things, but they don’t.

My top tips for receiving your poison, as comfortably as possible are:

·      Drink plenty of water the day before and that morning;

·      Wear warm layers of clothing – your veins respond better if you are warm and hydrated;

·      Make sure you do a last minute wee just before the drugs go in – it can take a while for them all to be administered;

·      Suck on an ice pop or similar, it should help to minimize any sore mouth problems after;

·      Try the cold cap for your first session – even if you only wear it once, as I did, you can say you gave it a go.  I’m not bald yet and I am sure that wearing it that one time has enabled me to hang on to my hair for longer.

Talking about the hair – everyone is different but if you are going to try the cold cap, I would highly recommend getting yours cut into a short elfin style BEFORE you start treatment.  I say this because I experienced considerable hair thinning just before my 2^nd dose, which lead to me getting it shaved.  My hair was in a chin length bob before and as it thinned it gave the impression of losing LOTS of hair, however since shaving my hair and stopping with the cold cap, the hair loss has slowed down, so maybe I was a bit hasty.  If you get your hair cut short in the first place, this will help the cold cap do its job better,  make your hair easier to look after and any thinning you do get will not look quite as dramatic if its shorter.   Thus avoiding any knee jerk reactions like shaving your head!

I am happy with my new look but in hindsight I think doing the above would have worked better for me.

Heard some excellent news today!! I don’t read the papers but I hear there has been a major breakthrough in Breast Cancer research.  The future looks brighter for people like me – read here for more info.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/genetic-test-could-pave-the-way-for-breast-cancer-magic-bullets-7658168.html

Also on another really positive note, so far my Race for Life Team have raised an enormous £2,095!!! I am so delighted, it means so much to do something worth while.    I really do need to get out there and start training.   Walking every day, at a good pace is my aim – just wish the bloody weather would dry up.

I am well aware that the single most important thing I can do to help myself beat this thing – is exercise!  The chemo side effects keep putting me off, but I think I’m just gonna have to kick them into touch by getting on with it!

Chemo - It's a Rollercoaster ride!

It’s now 3 days since my first chemo session.  Looking back on it I’m thinking it wasn’t that bad.   The actual administering of the drugs by intravenous injection took about 30 minutes with the nurse slowly pushing in the plunger on each syringe to allow the drugs to mix in with the saline solution being fed into my veins.    The drugs had been kept in the fridge and some were coloured red.  This definitely looked and felt like poison being pumped into me especially as I could feel the cold creep of it spread up my arm.  Not very nice, but essential nonetheless.   The veins in my wrist started to ache and hurt a bit so the nurse laid a heat pad over my wrist which really eased this discomfort.

The worst part was getting used to wearing the cold cap.    Before putting it on you have to make your hair wet with leave-in conditioner, this helps the cold to get to the roots easier.    I was sat in a very comfy chair, with special squishy seat pad, I would think specifically designed to avoid pressure sores on your buttocks!  Then the nurse put the cold cap onto my head.  It was already filled with freezing gel.   I thought “ooh, chilly but not too bad”, then she leant down on it more to make sure it fit really well and then she bought down this really tight strap which fit very snuggly under my chin.  See the glamorous pic – this is my best brave smile.  

  

I pretty much felt like I had my head in a freezing cold vice, the strap cutting into my chin underneath.  I new it needed to be tight though.  My eyes started to stream and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.   Deep breaths were needed.  A dear friend of mine had reminded me of the power of positive thinking and visualization.   I tried my best to think of warm summer breezes and a happy picnic scene, ripe juicy fruit, fat buzzing bumble bees, the kiddies laughing with all my troubles behind me.  It did help, but not initially!

 I wore the cold cap for about 4 hours. All in attempt to hold onto my crowning glory.  After the first hour, I barely noticed it thank goodness.   The pipe that links it to the machine is insulated but I asked for a towel between it and me to stop my shoulders from freezing.   Anyone going to give the cold cap a go I would say wear some very warm and comfy clothes and seriously, brace yourself for that initial half hour, it does get better though.

 I spent the 4 hours in my squishy chair reading magazines (all bought for me by friends), a book (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert) and listening to some tunes on my beloved iphone.    I had a brief chat with the nurse.  This didn’t really go that well though as she asked “Do you have children?” I nodded but was unable to answer properly as my resolve to be strong promptly crumbled and I blubbed into my hands, then searched frantically in my handbag for a tissue.  Its tricky to do stuff with your left hand if you’re right handed and your right hand is out of action.   I’m having all my drugs into my right hand as they can’t use my left because that’s the side my operation was on, and I’m a lymph node short on that side.   It’s okay though, this blubbing was bound to come at some point during the day.  I got over it quickly enough.

The room where I was having my chemo is on the 6^th floor of the hospital I was born in. All those years ago.   The room has large picture windows with a view of the sky, luckily blue on that day and planes taking off from the airport.   There were 5 of us patients that morning, receiving our life-juice.  I was the youngest there by far.   The only other woman patient sat across from me.  She was in her 60s I would say and her daughter about my age kept her company.   I clocked her wig as soon as I saw her.   It looked okay but you could just tell it wasn’t real hair and was quite short and spiky.   She was very proud of it and told me how the NHS do great ones (which you pay a £60 prescription charge for).   During my first half hour with the cold cap, she was being given her chemo drugs and I heard the nurse ask her if she had tried the cold-cap?   Her reply was “No why bother, it’s all going to come out anyway!”   I’m assuming she meant to say this quietly but unfortunately I heard.   Oh Marvellous! I cried (again) in my head.  Why am I doing this to myself?!

The main reason I will persevere with keeping my hair is for my children.  I think I’m pretty much okay with the hair loss now, but I just know that my kids are really quite freaked out at the idea of a bald mummy, they mention it every few days and they are definitely worrying about it even though I have reassured them it probably won’t happen.  And even if it does, they don’t have to see it.

The hospital staff looked after me very well that day.   I had hot drinks and a hot lunch – although the veg had been cooked to death, all nutrients sapped from it and poured down the plug whole with the cooking water no doubt!  Why does hospital food have to BE like that?!

They sent me home with a bag of more drugs to take.   Mostly to stop me being and feeling sick.   I’m on my last day of steroids today, thank god.  I am sure it is these horrible things that have made my tummy blow up like a balloon, my jeans no longer fit me!  Here with go with another side effect of chemo – weight gain.  Oh joy.   I am doing my best with being active.   I’m under strict orders from loved ones to get out and walk every day.  Which definitely lifts my mood, but is rather tiring!  I am such a lightweight now.  Talking of my mood, this has gone up and down like a rollercoaster.   I hate feeling sorry for myself but sometimes I really struggle to just stop feeling like I’m in a miserable black hole.   Everyone is being so positive.   “Yay, you’re one down – only 5 to go!” Yipp-yarr (dead pan voice) I cannot wait.

The best thing that’s happened in the last 3 days is watching my little family all pull together around me, hubbie and the kids all cleaned the house yesterday and are being so sweet.   Also I’ve signed up to do Race for Life on 23 May 2012.  This will be one week before my last chemo session, so I figure I’ll be good to go at that point. It’s only a 3 mile walk (I might jog a wee bit if you're lucky)!  If you want to join my team or sponsor me, please click the button at the top of the page.

 I'm visiting the hairdresser on Tuesday, so watch this space for news of my new do!!    It needs to go a bit shorter so that its easier to wash and care for - no hairdryers and minimal styling products allowed.  Should I take the plunge and buy a wig, or just hope for the best?!