No more treatment!

 I am delighted to say that I have now completed all my treatment!!  September was Radiotherapy month and now I can put it behind me.    The treatment itself wasn’t bad at all, if you don’t think about the risk of possible long term side effects.   I now have one slightly pink and tender boob, but am told I’ll be on the mend in about 2 weeks time.    The radiotherapy keeps working for 2 weeks after the treatment has stopped, so the soreness could get worse before it gets better.   I’m used to wearing my ‘comfort bra’s’ or indeed sometimes going braless – oooh racy eh?! Its about racy as I get at the moment!!

A friend of mine says I’m likely to get depressed now that the treatment is over.  Largely because I now have time to sit back and reflect on all that has happened, my survival instincts and adrenaline to get through each day of driving to the hospital and treatment are no longer required, so I can see how this might happen.    But I’m determined not to start sitting around feeling sorry for myself.   Instead I am going to sit around feeling how lucky I am!! ;)   On the first day of my 'new life' I did the ironing and watched a ‘chick flick’, without feeling guilty at all.  Yes, I have quit my office job – it wasn’t an easy decision to make.   I had a gut feeling that I didn’t want to return to it, but simply put – I felt obliged to go back, and of course the extra money is always useful, but a lot of hassle goes into earning it and then it’s gone in a flash!   My company had been so good to me during my illness, not putting pressure on me, paying me more than they are legally required to do and expressing their concern for me.  But when it came to crunch time, I just had to go with my gut and fortunately, we are in the financial situation where we can scrape by on one salary.  My DH is a very hardworking and ambitious fella.   He has done a grand job of providing for me and the kids ever since I stopped work in London 8 years ago.    Don’t get me wrong, I do not expect him to be the only bread winner forever.  But for now, while I get my strength back and whilst my children are still young (6 and 8) I’m going to enjoy having TIME for myself and for motherly duties, instead of rushing around like a blue-arsed fly in a permanent state of guilt and exhaustion.    This is one good thing that has come from my cancer journey.      

The chemo has left me with aches and pains and extra flab around my middle, so I am going to slowly but surely improve my fitness and loose some weight.  I've joined a weekly yoga class, the first one last week was really enjoyable.   I need to loose a stone, so I’m going to do “speed walking” (I don’t do running) and Zumba – which is perfect for sweating whilst having a laugh.

Having a laugh – that’s high on my things to do list too!  This year has been so full of stress, fear and pain that I cannot take any more and it’s time to change.   It’s all a state of mind you know.   I’m rather into complimentary therapies and during my trips to the hospital last month I took advantage of some free therapy sessions in the cancer support centre.   I had a free Indian Head Massage, which was AMAZING and very relaxing, and a free Hypnotherapy session which was a rather strange experience but interesting too.  I also had 2 BodyTalk sessions.  This is a tricky one to describe, so click here if you want to know more.  But basically I left with a feeling of lightness and brightness, mentally speaking.   The lady also taught me a technique to use at home, which involves deep breathing, placing hands in certain positions on my head and tapping on my forehead and chest - which sounds rather bizarre doesn't it - yet it leaves my mind feeling more focused AND it makes me laugh (I realise I look ridiculous), so it must be good for me!!   I'm sure that using these complimentary therapies, plus yoga and other exercise will help me get back in shape mentally and physically and hopefully regain my sense of humour!   That's the plan anyway, I'll just see where it takes me.

Radiotherapy for Dummies

I've been trying to write this post now for days and can never find a good time.  Anyway here it is, sorry if it's a bit rambling!!

I'm going to try and explain radiotherapy treatment so those of you who haven't got a clue what it is and what it does will get a better understanding of it.  It might even help me in the process!!

The treatment uses high energy x-rays (or electrons) to treat cancer.  It basically blasts the cancer cells and kills them off.   The machine that is used for this is called a Linear Accelerator and it looks a bit like a giant microscope, with me the patient being slid in underneath its 'lens'.   Before my treatment started I had a 'planning scan' where scan pictures and lots of measurements were taken of my boob, they also gave me two tiny little pin prick tattoos which they now use as reference points to line me up in the LA machine.   The planning of the treatment takes about 2 weeks and is very important as careful planning helps prevent the radiation from affecting healthy parts of the body.

My consultant has decided I need 4 weeks of treatment, that is once a day, 5 days a week for 3 weeks on my whole left boob and underarm and then 1 week concentrating just on the scar area, where the lump was.   My consultant has been through all the possible side effects with me and I had to sign a consent form acknowledging them all and giving my permission for treatment.   The most likely side effects are fatigue and skin soreness, but this can be minimised by avoiding irritants such as underwire bras and perfumed bath products, in fact I'm not allowed to use anything other than water, aqueous cream and aluminium free deodorant.  For me, ditching my underwire bras doesn't come easy as I like to keep my 34E's well supported!! So I need to get myself some 'comfort' bras and get used to the 'baggy boob' look!!  Funny how this bothers me more than other side effects I could be exposed to.....

As the treatment is to my left breast, there is a chance that my heart can be affected and also the lungs can become less stretchy which would result on shortness of breath, but the benefits of radiotherapy far outweighs the risks, so I'm not going to dwell on the negatives.

Since finishing Chemo I've had pretty much two months off of being a 'hospital patient', so going back in there last Monday was hard to do and has made me feel rather depressed during the past week.    On my first day of treatment I found it rather bemusing to find myself sitting next to 70 year old men in their dressing gowns in the waiting room.   The fact that all patients need to be half naked during treatment had escaped me, and as there is a shortage of clean hospital gowns patients are encouraged to bring in and wear their own robe.    For all of my treatments I have to strip to the waste and put on my robe (they provide changing rooms), then sit out in the waiting area to be called.   So far I haven't had to wait longer than 20 mins.     When the nurse (radiographer is probably the correct term) calls me I go round the corner down this long wide corridor and into a large room where the LA machine is.  At my hospital I think there are 8 of these machines in total, and they appear to all be in use and busy.   I don't think I will ever get used to seeing how busy this Cancer Centre is!  It's scary.

For every treatment I have to give the nurse my name, address and DOB, obviously so they can make sure they are giving the correct treatment to me and not someone elses.  Then I climb on the bench thingy, lay down and raise my left arm out to the side and above my head to hold onto a handle.  This bench then goes upwards (about 4ft off the ground) and back under the machine.    I'm told to lie heavily and relax whilst the nurses shift my position every so slightly to the left and make pen marks on my chest and underarm.    There is usually 2 to 4 people in the room, all doing their job, reading out measurements and checking that everything is set up accurately.   I'm very impressed with their speedy, professional yet chirpy bedside manner.   They must see dozens of patients in a day and treat all areas of the body, they must see all sorts of sights but just carry on in the same professional manner.    Whilst they are checking everything is set up properly the lights are dimmed a couple of times so they can check the position of the laser - at least I think that's what it is - there's a green laser beam and a red one coming out of the machine, which you can't see when the lights are on full.   So, once all the pre treatment checks are done, the nurses leave the room with a cheery "Here we go!" so they can avoid the radiation themselves and operate the machine from the adjoining room - they can see me via a camera and screen.    I need to stay completely still while the machine runs.  First it blasts me from the left side - not that I can feel or see anything happening but the machine makes a noise when its on, and then it moves over in an arc to my right side and blasts me again twice.    The actual treatment takes a matter of seconds and I'm in the treatment room for a total of 10 minutes all in.    I've now had 7 out of my 20 doses of radiation and so far have only noticed a few shooting pains through my boob and the skin is beginning to dry out.      The main reason I have found it tricky to get time to write this post, is because the journey too and from treatment takes me about an hour each way plus I have to park in Tesco's car park at the hospital so have got way-layed a few times having lunch at Costas or picking up a few supplies.   When I get home there's often only time for a cuppa tea and to empty the dishwasher before I have to go out again on the school run.  It's all go you know!

It's not all doom and gloom though.    I'm also making the most of free alternative therapies offered at the cancer support centre - yesterday I enjoyed a session called Bodytalk, on Thursday I have an Indian Head Massage booked and later in the month, a Mindfulness (otherwise known as meditation) session.   I shall post again on my experience of these.  Bye for now and please visit again! x

AT LAST - SOME GOOD NEWS!!

It's been 1 week and a day since my operation.    I have been in pain and discomfort for most of the week, whilst my wounds are healing.    It's not sharp, constant pain, more like pinchy, twisting, uncomfortable twinges.   All my friends and family have rallied around me.  I cannot quite believe the amount of flowers, cards and gifts I have received.    So many lovely thoughts and things, that it's almost worth getting breast cancer for!   Joke - you've got to laugh haven't you.    I've spent most of the week chatting, laughing, crying, drinking tea, eating cake and chocolate and generally sitting around recuperating, whilst my beloved DH has been doing EVERYTHING else.   The school run, the ironing, the housework, the cooking, the shopping, bath & bedtime for the kids - you name it and he has done it. If it were up to me he'd be given a Knighthood for all that he's done and will continue to do (no doubt).   And I love him, with all my heart.    Of course, what we have really been doing all week is just waiting.

Waiting for today to come, when I would receive the results of tests they've run on the lump and sentinel ymph node which Sam the Man (my consultant surgeon) removed.  When I woke this morning I had a strong feeling that today was a turning point.  Life would not be the same after wards.  Yeah I know it's already changed significantly in the past weeks.   The appointment wasn't until this afternoon so this morning I went out for walk to enjoy the glorious blue sky and it was so warm I regretted wearing a coat!   I thought it was simply impossible to receive bad news on such a beautiful day.

Okay, now I'll cut to the chase (I know you are all busy) - we got to the hospital and were very soon called in (yep no waiting around for an hour - amazing!).   My DH and I entered the examination room and the nurse asked me to strip to the waist (I'm used to this now), then very quickly the room was filled with 4 more people. Yikes! I had an audience.  At this point alarm bells started ringing - did they really need this extra back up to break the news to me?  There was the Consultant (Sam the Man's boss), the Macmillan nurse, the clinic nurse, and another woman, who turned out to be a doctor (in training I think).   The Consultant takes a quick look at my wounds and is very pleased with them, they are healing nicely, I've done "really well".  He might as well have patted me on the head!  So then I get dressed and go into the little office next door, for the main event - THE RESULTS!  (queue X-Factor style dramatic music).......I braced myself.      He says that the tests on my lymph node are negative! and the 'margins' on the lump are also clear!  The cancer has not spread.   WHOOP WHOOP!! I nearly jumped for joy.  This is such a relief.  He could well have been saying the opposite and booking me in for more surgery.    I consider myself oh so VERY lucky to still have 2 whole breasts.  Me and 'the girls' have had a narrow escape.  Finally, after a shitty 2011 and even shittier start to 2012, we get some GOOD NEWS!!!

This is not the end of the journey though.   I have an appointment with the Oncologist next Thursday to discuss my treatment plan which will be chemotherapy first, then radiotherapy - all of which should be done and dusted by oh..............July or August.  So watch this space if you want to find out what a Cold Cap and a Chemo Caddy is!! xx

Just a sharp scratch.........

If you read my first post then you'll know that on 15th Feb I had an operation to remove the lump in my breast.  Sam The Man (my consultant) removed the horrid lump as well as the 'sentinel lymph node' in my arm pit.   He has then sent it all off to the Lab for testing and hopefully, this Thursday, I will find out that the lurgy has NOT spread anywhere else and then I can get on with phase 2 of my treatment, which will hopefully be Radiotherapy.  I say hopefully, cos if I'm going to have Chemotherapy then I will have to have that first.  And, I'm getting vibes that Chemo will be the worst part of my 'cancer journey', making me more sick and tired and the disease itself has yet.

This is just a quick post to say my operation went quite well really.  All the staff at the hospital were really lovely, quite jolly and did everything they could to make the whole experience less traumatic.  The Day Surgery Center was clean and newly kitted out.  The only thing that has become a bug bear of mine is when the Nurse says, shortly before jabbing you with a needle, that you should expect "just a sharp scratch..."
A sharp scratch is something you get from a playful cat, NOT the seering pain of a pointy, long, hard, metal (sometimes FAT) needle!!!    I realise I need to get over this, as I have many more sharp scratches ahead I am sure.

So today is day 4 after my op.  Now that my mind has overcome the depressive cloud of the general anaesthetic, I have been left with a small wound and a few stitches just in front of my armpit.  Its a bit tight and slightly sore, nothing major.  Sometimes my left arm feels a little numb, but I was expecting this.    My left breast is stitched and bruised, slightly blue (from the dye used during the operation) and is looking a little deflated, poor thing.  But really I feel I have had a lucky escape, and I WILL wear that little black dress (see picture) once more.  Sam The Man did a good job.