Happy Birthday to me!

Hello, I'm back - apologies for the massive gap in posts but y'know Christmas just got in the way. Plus, I haven't had that much to talk about really.    All is quiet on the cancer front.    The doctors aren't in any hurry to have me back for a check-up, even though they said they would - so early in January I got on the phone and chased them up, and the very efficient secretary sent me an appointment in the post 2 days later.  So my check-up back at the Breast Clinic is next Thursday.   I think it will probably just be a 'chat' and then they'll want me back again for a mammogram sometime in February.   Apparently they can't do one within a year of a breast operation.  Good job too, as a mammogram is painful enough without having tender scar tissue to contend with.  

So today is my birthday, I am the ripe old age of 39 - derr derr derrrrrrr!! Knock knock knocking on the BIG 4.0.    I don't care about what age I am at all, I care more about the age I feel!  and thanks to my efforts at getting fit during the past month or so, I feel about .... 35! Well its a start isn't it.

I have kept to my word about exercising - generally speaking....I have exercised between 3 & 5 times per week since my last post.    Apart from a week after Christmas where I felt under the weather, the lurgy was trying to get me, and it succeeded for a while.   However I got off lightly and bounced back after a day or two.    My trick for fighting the coughs and colds of winter is, as soon as you feel it coming on, dose yourself up on cold remedies, especially Night Nurse at bedtime but also boost the amount of veg you eat.   Green veg mainly, if you can stomach blitzing some greens (cucumber, spinach & rocket) along with water and a dash of lemon juice in a blender and making a Green Smoothie so much the better, because it really does help.   My husband says it tastes rank but I don't agree - you can practically taste the vitamins!

I really wish it wasn't so freezing cold out though, as I want to get running.  I've been using my new Wii Just Dance 4 game to burn some calories and get moving, plus I had my first session back at yoga after the Christmas break this week.  I have really missed it, and although I occasionally used my yoga App, it's not the same.   I love the way yoga slowly builds strength and stamina in your muscles whilst helping your mind to focus then relax in such a blissful way.   

Anyhow I have a new exercise craze to get into, which I'm really excited about - Kettlebells!!!  Basically it's weight training, but is increasing in popularity especially amongst women as it burns calories FAST.   In a 20 minute workout you can burn about 300 calories!  Sounds good to me.   This is the set of Kettlebells I received today for my birthday:

I won't be touching the 8kg one for a very long time (if ever), my hubbie can have that one!  But the 2 and 4 kg will definitely get some use.   As I have said before though, my main focus for all this exercise is to be fit, not thin.   I don't own a pair of scales, and like to keep it that way because I think it is easy to become obsessed about what you weigh.     Out of interest though, I stepped on the scales at Boots the other day.  I am 10 stone.   Which at 5ft 2" is just tipping into the "over weight" bracket, so I need to sort that out and get down to 9 stone at least.    Kettlebell training will burn the fat but also tone up my muscles - perfect.  So watch this space - I haven't actually done any yet!! Tomorrow will be day 1.

Bring.it.on.

On another note - New Year's resolutions, everyone should make them.   Mine are:

1.  Obviously, to get fit - I intend on running the 5k Race for Life this summer, without it killing me.

2.  Enjoy and savor time with my kids more.

3.  Not let other people's opinions of me/my choices in life affect me. 

4.  Live in the moment.

5.  Blog more regularly.

On that note, I will say farewell.   I have red wine and crispy duck on the menu for my birthday dinner!

Exercise and Me - One week in ...

I'm pleased to confirm that since Tuesday I kept going.    Yoga on Wednesday and then as the weather was wet and snowy on Thursday and Friday I did my Wii Just Dance.   Which my husband thinks is just dancing around but you do actually have to follow the routine and if you pick the songs with the higher sweat rating they do really get my heart going and leave me panting.   After doing 30 mins and just over 2000 'sweat points' on Thursday, which I was proud of, I told my BF who has been doing Just Dance workouts and others for over a year and she basically told me I should aim higher and sweat more.  2000 points didn't cut it with her!  You can read her diet blog here.    She's right to keep pushing me, and it worked.  On Friday I did over 3000 points and finally felt that so far illusive, adrenaline rush!!   I was knackered and wanting to stop but I kept pushing myself and then I was flying - not literally.   But I felt the 'rush' of a new burst of energy, and then felt ecstatic to have beaten my target.

I've been very disciplined about fitting my exercise in.  Even on Thursday which was a very busy day for me, I had been Christmas shopping around town in the morning and usually that would be enough to knacker me out for the rest of the day.  But I came home, had some lunch and then got down to it.  Yesterday was a rest day, and then today at about 9.15 a.m I donned my new running shoes and off I went!   The weather this morning was perfect for it, dry and cool, not cold.  I've also bought one of those handy ipod holders you can strap to your arm.  So as you run you have your favourite tunes on and I also use the App mapmyride to measure how far I have been. So this morning I set the App to walk mode, but I ran approx 40% of my walk.  This is only my second trip out, attempting to run, and my running bursts felt good, a bit longer than the first time and much more comfy thanks to my new trainers.

I covered 4.05km in 34 minutes.   Walking doesn't burn many calories unfortunately, but I definitely worked up a sweat and came home invigorated, yet breathless, and ruddy faced!!   My aim is to build up my running bursts so that I am running at least 60% of the time.    Fingers crossed the weather in the coming week is dry as I much prefer to be out exercising than indoors.   I forgot to get myself weighed but will do so soon. Onwards and upwards!   I'll leave you with a new photo of me, check out the hair growth!!

2nd day of my new routine

So yesterday I walked (and ran a bit don't forget) 2.87 km (1 mile) which really was just a warm up to get me started in my new exercise regime, but come last night my leg muscles and feet had nearly seized up!  I think they were in shock!  I treated myself to a nice hot bath and did some extra stretches, but was definitely feeling it when I got out of bed this morning.
To be disciplined about getting my exercise done each day it helps if I get up, have a quick wash (no shower) and put my work out gear on straight away. Then I'm set.  Get the kids to school and then I can put my energy into getting fit.  Today I went out on my bike.  I rode 6.19km (3 miles - there's an App for that!) which included a couple of small hills which felt like mountains to me!  I'm aware that this distance isn't exactly far, my 8 year old could do it, but I definitely worked my body, became breathless and pushed myself.   It was almost freezing out there and at times I thought "I hate this!! It's NOT fun!". But by the end of my trip I was happy and proud of myself.   I'm not looking forward to my muscles objecting later though!
For me this isn't about losing weight, but next time I'm in town I will weigh myself in Boots (I dont own bathroom scales) as it will be good to see some pounds shed as a happy side effect.  Tomorrow it's yoga, which will hurt but my muscles need a good stretch!

Bring on the Exercise!!

Life is racing by and so far I have neglected to get into a regular exercise routine.  You know, the one that's really important to improving my chances of never getting breast cancer again.  I confess, I have got a little lazy.   Plus, exercise and I have never really been best buddies.  But particularly following my post about how housework won't keep you fit I really should have gotten my arse in gear by now.  And yesterday morning my dear husband called me on this.  He basically said "when are you going to start exercising?", which was hard to hear but he has been worrying about it and he is quite right. When am I and why aren't I??

I think the reason is fairly straightforward, I haven't found any form of exercise I really enjoy, AND I am scared of it.  I am scared of that feeling, out of breath, puffing and panting, face red as a beetroot, burning in your air ways.   I told him I have had enough discomfort this year without adding to it!!! Pathetic eh? I am good at thinking up excuses.

I do really want to get fit and make it part of my life, but I am floundering at how to do this.   I go to my weekly yoga class, which my husband scoffs at, but I believe it has helped me.   My upper body strength and muscle tone is improving week by week and I do get muscle aches and pains from being stretched - literally!

But yes he is right - yoga will not get my heart pumping and make me sweat, thereby giving my body the overall workout it needs to get truly fighting fit.   

So, here we go.  From this day onwards, I WILL EXERCISE 5 TIMES PER WEEK.  Exercise in my book is doing 30 mins or more of cardio work, something that gets me out of breath and sweating, apart from the 1 yoga session.  So 4 sessions of cardio work and 1 yoga EVERY WEEK.   Some may think I am setting my sights a little high, but I've got to devote myself 100% to this, otherwise I will just put it further down the list of priorities and before I know it I have only exercised once in a week.   My exercise of choice will be running (which I will build up gradually by walking and running in bursts) or cycling when its dry enough, or doing the Wii Just Dance on sweat mode if its chucking it down or snowing.   I've even made myself a wall chart!

So today my first day, I've started well, home from the school run then straight back out again doing my fast walking with jogging bursts, 28 mins, I worked up a little sweat and it felt good.  As I got home a bit earlier than intended I then ran up and down the stairs a few times, definitely felt that!  It was a good start.   

I need to get into town and buy some proper running trainers and once I am well equipped I will definitely increase the running and see where it takes me!

My whole life I have been one of those girls who'd avoid PE, and always said "I don't do running", but that is going to change.  I just hope my knees can take it!

I shall update my blog with details of my progress, so you my lovely readers can give me grief if I appear to be slacking.   Over and out for now. x

Premature Menopause

One of the long term side effects of chemotherapy is your periods stopping and basically you go through menopause - premature or not, depending on your age.   It doesn't happen to everyone, but as my last period was in March shortly after my first dose of chemo, and I still had no sign of it come November I was getting rather worried.     Don't get me wrong, having no period each month is great!! BUT and I think it's a BIG but, at 38 years young I am not relishing the thought of other changes my body will encounter if it's no longer producing oestrogen.    If you go through the menopause early i.e. before the age of 45 you have a greater risk of developing heart problems and osteoporosis.   

Osteoporosis is basically having fragile bones which are porous and more likely to break easily.   Obviously I try not to dwell on these things, but since having cancer treatment the list of things I am now at greater risk of getting as I age has grown a fair bit.   You have to balance this information with the fact that the chemo is designed to blast all the cancer cells in your body and therefore prevent a recurrence within, hopefully, the next 5 years.

During my time as a cancer patient I have gone through all the menopause symptoms; night sweats, hot flushes, memory loss, insomnia, weight gain around my middle, fatigue, muscle & joint pain, dry skin etc.....and most of these symptoms have now subsided, so I was half hoping that I had gone through the menopause and come out the other side, and half hoping all those symptoms were purely chemo related and my body would return to normal.

Last Tuesday I even went for a blood test to find out for definite what's going on with me.  Apparently they can tell by the level of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) in your blood.   The results of the test take 4 or more days to come through to your GP.   Anyway this was all irrelevant come Thursday of last week - when I couldn't really believe it, but my period arrived!!!! I didn't get much warning really, I mean it was fairly pain free although pretty full on.  Sorry - I won't go into any more detail.   But I was actually jumping for joy to have my 'old friend' back again!!!     Prior to its arrival I honestly felt like I had aged 10 years in only 9 months, but now I feel MUCH better, almost back to my old self.

The effect that hormone levels have on us women is actually quite scary.   The only down side of all this is that I will have to go through all the menopausal side effects again in roughly 10 years time!!  But I reckon nothing can be worse than what this year has thrown at me.

If you're reading this and premature menopause is something of concern to you, please visit The Daisy Network for support and advice.

The benefits of housework...

I've been meaning to write this post since back in September, when it was announced on the radio and in many newspapers that doing housework and gardening can help protect you from developing cancer.  At the time I was undergoing radiotherapy and quite frankly felt outraged at this news!!!   My initial reaction was "how bloody ridiculous!!!"

OK, at the time I didn't actually read any of the articles claiming this, I just heard the headline and a brief overview on the radio.  Which I'm sure many others did too.   I'm 38 years old, have 2 children under 10, at the time of my diagnosis was working part-time in an office, doing the school runs (walking & driving), doing housework etc; all the usual housewifely and motherly duties - I was leading an 'active' life, yet I got breast cancer.   

I really feel that telling women they reduce their risk of getting breast cancer by doing housework and gardening is misleading and quite frankly, dangerous.  Women are likely to think well I already do those things, therefore I need do nothing more to protect myself.   Surely most women do housework and gardening?!!  OK not so much the gardening, in this house anyway, but are we really becoming a nation of slackers just sitting around?!   Not the women I know.     

Plus, if we are saying women need to be cleaning more, for those who are already rushing around like headless chickens, working AND running a home whilst raising children, this message is only adding more STRESS to their lifestyle.   Stress (although not proven) in my opinion definitely increases your chance of getting cancer.  Stress reduces your immunity, thus letting those nasty little cancer cells thrive.

My oncologist says EXERCISE, exercise is the key.    Regular exercise will reduce your risk of getting cancer (or in my case, of it recurring).    I realise that what these articles are encouraging is building exercise into your daily routine but surely it needs to be more than hoovering & dusting, or a spot of pruning and deadheading!!   Having now read one of the offending articles, they do say that exercise can be anything that leaves you slightly out of breath.  Does housework and gardening really fall into this category? I guess that depends on how fit you are.

Personally I think the strong message to women should be EXERCISE for LIFE and DE-STRESS.    Find an exercise you LOVE DOING and keep doing it, for your long term health and happiness.  Whether it be running, jogging, walking (fast), zumba, weight training, swimming, cycling, yoga, pilates or belly dancing!  whatever you do, it should be enjoyable though.    I have always kept a clean home but I haven't always kept a regular exercise regime - if I had, would I have got breast cancer?

On another note, please support the Stand Up to Cancer campaign.   Channel 4 and Cancer Research UK have joined forces to raise lots and lots of lovely money to help speed up the advances being made towards a cure for cancer.  Tomorrow will be an entertaining yet emotional, no doubt, night of TV on Channel 4.  Think of me and donate some cash!  FIND OUT MORE HERE

No more treatment!

 I am delighted to say that I have now completed all my treatment!!  September was Radiotherapy month and now I can put it behind me.    The treatment itself wasn’t bad at all, if you don’t think about the risk of possible long term side effects.   I now have one slightly pink and tender boob, but am told I’ll be on the mend in about 2 weeks time.    The radiotherapy keeps working for 2 weeks after the treatment has stopped, so the soreness could get worse before it gets better.   I’m used to wearing my ‘comfort bra’s’ or indeed sometimes going braless – oooh racy eh?! Its about racy as I get at the moment!!

A friend of mine says I’m likely to get depressed now that the treatment is over.  Largely because I now have time to sit back and reflect on all that has happened, my survival instincts and adrenaline to get through each day of driving to the hospital and treatment are no longer required, so I can see how this might happen.    But I’m determined not to start sitting around feeling sorry for myself.   Instead I am going to sit around feeling how lucky I am!! ;)   On the first day of my 'new life' I did the ironing and watched a ‘chick flick’, without feeling guilty at all.  Yes, I have quit my office job – it wasn’t an easy decision to make.   I had a gut feeling that I didn’t want to return to it, but simply put – I felt obliged to go back, and of course the extra money is always useful, but a lot of hassle goes into earning it and then it’s gone in a flash!   My company had been so good to me during my illness, not putting pressure on me, paying me more than they are legally required to do and expressing their concern for me.  But when it came to crunch time, I just had to go with my gut and fortunately, we are in the financial situation where we can scrape by on one salary.  My DH is a very hardworking and ambitious fella.   He has done a grand job of providing for me and the kids ever since I stopped work in London 8 years ago.    Don’t get me wrong, I do not expect him to be the only bread winner forever.  But for now, while I get my strength back and whilst my children are still young (6 and 8) I’m going to enjoy having TIME for myself and for motherly duties, instead of rushing around like a blue-arsed fly in a permanent state of guilt and exhaustion.    This is one good thing that has come from my cancer journey.      

The chemo has left me with aches and pains and extra flab around my middle, so I am going to slowly but surely improve my fitness and loose some weight.  I've joined a weekly yoga class, the first one last week was really enjoyable.   I need to loose a stone, so I’m going to do “speed walking” (I don’t do running) and Zumba – which is perfect for sweating whilst having a laugh.

Having a laugh – that’s high on my things to do list too!  This year has been so full of stress, fear and pain that I cannot take any more and it’s time to change.   It’s all a state of mind you know.   I’m rather into complimentary therapies and during my trips to the hospital last month I took advantage of some free therapy sessions in the cancer support centre.   I had a free Indian Head Massage, which was AMAZING and very relaxing, and a free Hypnotherapy session which was a rather strange experience but interesting too.  I also had 2 BodyTalk sessions.  This is a tricky one to describe, so click here if you want to know more.  But basically I left with a feeling of lightness and brightness, mentally speaking.   The lady also taught me a technique to use at home, which involves deep breathing, placing hands in certain positions on my head and tapping on my forehead and chest - which sounds rather bizarre doesn't it - yet it leaves my mind feeling more focused AND it makes me laugh (I realise I look ridiculous), so it must be good for me!!   I'm sure that using these complimentary therapies, plus yoga and other exercise will help me get back in shape mentally and physically and hopefully regain my sense of humour!   That's the plan anyway, I'll just see where it takes me.