Bring on the Exercise!!

Life is racing by and so far I have neglected to get into a regular exercise routine.  You know, the one that's really important to improving my chances of never getting breast cancer again.  I confess, I have got a little lazy.   Plus, exercise and I have never really been best buddies.  But particularly following my post about how housework won't keep you fit I really should have gotten my arse in gear by now.  And yesterday morning my dear husband called me on this.  He basically said "when are you going to start exercising?", which was hard to hear but he has been worrying about it and he is quite right. When am I and why aren't I??

I think the reason is fairly straightforward, I haven't found any form of exercise I really enjoy, AND I am scared of it.  I am scared of that feeling, out of breath, puffing and panting, face red as a beetroot, burning in your air ways.   I told him I have had enough discomfort this year without adding to it!!! Pathetic eh? I am good at thinking up excuses.

I do really want to get fit and make it part of my life, but I am floundering at how to do this.   I go to my weekly yoga class, which my husband scoffs at, but I believe it has helped me.   My upper body strength and muscle tone is improving week by week and I do get muscle aches and pains from being stretched - literally!

But yes he is right - yoga will not get my heart pumping and make me sweat, thereby giving my body the overall workout it needs to get truly fighting fit.   

So, here we go.  From this day onwards, I WILL EXERCISE 5 TIMES PER WEEK.  Exercise in my book is doing 30 mins or more of cardio work, something that gets me out of breath and sweating, apart from the 1 yoga session.  So 4 sessions of cardio work and 1 yoga EVERY WEEK.   Some may think I am setting my sights a little high, but I've got to devote myself 100% to this, otherwise I will just put it further down the list of priorities and before I know it I have only exercised once in a week.   My exercise of choice will be running (which I will build up gradually by walking and running in bursts) or cycling when its dry enough, or doing the Wii Just Dance on sweat mode if its chucking it down or snowing.   I've even made myself a wall chart!

So today my first day, I've started well, home from the school run then straight back out again doing my fast walking with jogging bursts, 28 mins, I worked up a little sweat and it felt good.  As I got home a bit earlier than intended I then ran up and down the stairs a few times, definitely felt that!  It was a good start.   

I need to get into town and buy some proper running trainers and once I am well equipped I will definitely increase the running and see where it takes me!

My whole life I have been one of those girls who'd avoid PE, and always said "I don't do running", but that is going to change.  I just hope my knees can take it!

I shall update my blog with details of my progress, so you my lovely readers can give me grief if I appear to be slacking.   Over and out for now. x

Premature Menopause

One of the long term side effects of chemotherapy is your periods stopping and basically you go through menopause - premature or not, depending on your age.   It doesn't happen to everyone, but as my last period was in March shortly after my first dose of chemo, and I still had no sign of it come November I was getting rather worried.     Don't get me wrong, having no period each month is great!! BUT and I think it's a BIG but, at 38 years young I am not relishing the thought of other changes my body will encounter if it's no longer producing oestrogen.    If you go through the menopause early i.e. before the age of 45 you have a greater risk of developing heart problems and osteoporosis.   

Osteoporosis is basically having fragile bones which are porous and more likely to break easily.   Obviously I try not to dwell on these things, but since having cancer treatment the list of things I am now at greater risk of getting as I age has grown a fair bit.   You have to balance this information with the fact that the chemo is designed to blast all the cancer cells in your body and therefore prevent a recurrence within, hopefully, the next 5 years.

During my time as a cancer patient I have gone through all the menopause symptoms; night sweats, hot flushes, memory loss, insomnia, weight gain around my middle, fatigue, muscle & joint pain, dry skin etc.....and most of these symptoms have now subsided, so I was half hoping that I had gone through the menopause and come out the other side, and half hoping all those symptoms were purely chemo related and my body would return to normal.

Last Tuesday I even went for a blood test to find out for definite what's going on with me.  Apparently they can tell by the level of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) in your blood.   The results of the test take 4 or more days to come through to your GP.   Anyway this was all irrelevant come Thursday of last week - when I couldn't really believe it, but my period arrived!!!! I didn't get much warning really, I mean it was fairly pain free although pretty full on.  Sorry - I won't go into any more detail.   But I was actually jumping for joy to have my 'old friend' back again!!!     Prior to its arrival I honestly felt like I had aged 10 years in only 9 months, but now I feel MUCH better, almost back to my old self.

The effect that hormone levels have on us women is actually quite scary.   The only down side of all this is that I will have to go through all the menopausal side effects again in roughly 10 years time!!  But I reckon nothing can be worse than what this year has thrown at me.

If you're reading this and premature menopause is something of concern to you, please visit The Daisy Network for support and advice.

The benefits of housework...

I've been meaning to write this post since back in September, when it was announced on the radio and in many newspapers that doing housework and gardening can help protect you from developing cancer.  At the time I was undergoing radiotherapy and quite frankly felt outraged at this news!!!   My initial reaction was "how bloody ridiculous!!!"

OK, at the time I didn't actually read any of the articles claiming this, I just heard the headline and a brief overview on the radio.  Which I'm sure many others did too.   I'm 38 years old, have 2 children under 10, at the time of my diagnosis was working part-time in an office, doing the school runs (walking & driving), doing housework etc; all the usual housewifely and motherly duties - I was leading an 'active' life, yet I got breast cancer.   

I really feel that telling women they reduce their risk of getting breast cancer by doing housework and gardening is misleading and quite frankly, dangerous.  Women are likely to think well I already do those things, therefore I need do nothing more to protect myself.   Surely most women do housework and gardening?!!  OK not so much the gardening, in this house anyway, but are we really becoming a nation of slackers just sitting around?!   Not the women I know.     

Plus, if we are saying women need to be cleaning more, for those who are already rushing around like headless chickens, working AND running a home whilst raising children, this message is only adding more STRESS to their lifestyle.   Stress (although not proven) in my opinion definitely increases your chance of getting cancer.  Stress reduces your immunity, thus letting those nasty little cancer cells thrive.

My oncologist says EXERCISE, exercise is the key.    Regular exercise will reduce your risk of getting cancer (or in my case, of it recurring).    I realise that what these articles are encouraging is building exercise into your daily routine but surely it needs to be more than hoovering & dusting, or a spot of pruning and deadheading!!   Having now read one of the offending articles, they do say that exercise can be anything that leaves you slightly out of breath.  Does housework and gardening really fall into this category? I guess that depends on how fit you are.

Personally I think the strong message to women should be EXERCISE for LIFE and DE-STRESS.    Find an exercise you LOVE DOING and keep doing it, for your long term health and happiness.  Whether it be running, jogging, walking (fast), zumba, weight training, swimming, cycling, yoga, pilates or belly dancing!  whatever you do, it should be enjoyable though.    I have always kept a clean home but I haven't always kept a regular exercise regime - if I had, would I have got breast cancer?

On another note, please support the Stand Up to Cancer campaign.   Channel 4 and Cancer Research UK have joined forces to raise lots and lots of lovely money to help speed up the advances being made towards a cure for cancer.  Tomorrow will be an entertaining yet emotional, no doubt, night of TV on Channel 4.  Think of me and donate some cash!  FIND OUT MORE HERE

No more treatment!

 I am delighted to say that I have now completed all my treatment!!  September was Radiotherapy month and now I can put it behind me.    The treatment itself wasn’t bad at all, if you don’t think about the risk of possible long term side effects.   I now have one slightly pink and tender boob, but am told I’ll be on the mend in about 2 weeks time.    The radiotherapy keeps working for 2 weeks after the treatment has stopped, so the soreness could get worse before it gets better.   I’m used to wearing my ‘comfort bra’s’ or indeed sometimes going braless – oooh racy eh?! Its about racy as I get at the moment!!

A friend of mine says I’m likely to get depressed now that the treatment is over.  Largely because I now have time to sit back and reflect on all that has happened, my survival instincts and adrenaline to get through each day of driving to the hospital and treatment are no longer required, so I can see how this might happen.    But I’m determined not to start sitting around feeling sorry for myself.   Instead I am going to sit around feeling how lucky I am!! ;)   On the first day of my 'new life' I did the ironing and watched a ‘chick flick’, without feeling guilty at all.  Yes, I have quit my office job – it wasn’t an easy decision to make.   I had a gut feeling that I didn’t want to return to it, but simply put – I felt obliged to go back, and of course the extra money is always useful, but a lot of hassle goes into earning it and then it’s gone in a flash!   My company had been so good to me during my illness, not putting pressure on me, paying me more than they are legally required to do and expressing their concern for me.  But when it came to crunch time, I just had to go with my gut and fortunately, we are in the financial situation where we can scrape by on one salary.  My DH is a very hardworking and ambitious fella.   He has done a grand job of providing for me and the kids ever since I stopped work in London 8 years ago.    Don’t get me wrong, I do not expect him to be the only bread winner forever.  But for now, while I get my strength back and whilst my children are still young (6 and 8) I’m going to enjoy having TIME for myself and for motherly duties, instead of rushing around like a blue-arsed fly in a permanent state of guilt and exhaustion.    This is one good thing that has come from my cancer journey.      

The chemo has left me with aches and pains and extra flab around my middle, so I am going to slowly but surely improve my fitness and loose some weight.  I've joined a weekly yoga class, the first one last week was really enjoyable.   I need to loose a stone, so I’m going to do “speed walking” (I don’t do running) and Zumba – which is perfect for sweating whilst having a laugh.

Having a laugh – that’s high on my things to do list too!  This year has been so full of stress, fear and pain that I cannot take any more and it’s time to change.   It’s all a state of mind you know.   I’m rather into complimentary therapies and during my trips to the hospital last month I took advantage of some free therapy sessions in the cancer support centre.   I had a free Indian Head Massage, which was AMAZING and very relaxing, and a free Hypnotherapy session which was a rather strange experience but interesting too.  I also had 2 BodyTalk sessions.  This is a tricky one to describe, so click here if you want to know more.  But basically I left with a feeling of lightness and brightness, mentally speaking.   The lady also taught me a technique to use at home, which involves deep breathing, placing hands in certain positions on my head and tapping on my forehead and chest - which sounds rather bizarre doesn't it - yet it leaves my mind feeling more focused AND it makes me laugh (I realise I look ridiculous), so it must be good for me!!   I'm sure that using these complimentary therapies, plus yoga and other exercise will help me get back in shape mentally and physically and hopefully regain my sense of humour!   That's the plan anyway, I'll just see where it takes me.

Radiotherapy for Dummies

I've been trying to write this post now for days and can never find a good time.  Anyway here it is, sorry if it's a bit rambling!!

I'm going to try and explain radiotherapy treatment so those of you who haven't got a clue what it is and what it does will get a better understanding of it.  It might even help me in the process!!

The treatment uses high energy x-rays (or electrons) to treat cancer.  It basically blasts the cancer cells and kills them off.   The machine that is used for this is called a Linear Accelerator and it looks a bit like a giant microscope, with me the patient being slid in underneath its 'lens'.   Before my treatment started I had a 'planning scan' where scan pictures and lots of measurements were taken of my boob, they also gave me two tiny little pin prick tattoos which they now use as reference points to line me up in the LA machine.   The planning of the treatment takes about 2 weeks and is very important as careful planning helps prevent the radiation from affecting healthy parts of the body.

My consultant has decided I need 4 weeks of treatment, that is once a day, 5 days a week for 3 weeks on my whole left boob and underarm and then 1 week concentrating just on the scar area, where the lump was.   My consultant has been through all the possible side effects with me and I had to sign a consent form acknowledging them all and giving my permission for treatment.   The most likely side effects are fatigue and skin soreness, but this can be minimised by avoiding irritants such as underwire bras and perfumed bath products, in fact I'm not allowed to use anything other than water, aqueous cream and aluminium free deodorant.  For me, ditching my underwire bras doesn't come easy as I like to keep my 34E's well supported!! So I need to get myself some 'comfort' bras and get used to the 'baggy boob' look!!  Funny how this bothers me more than other side effects I could be exposed to.....

As the treatment is to my left breast, there is a chance that my heart can be affected and also the lungs can become less stretchy which would result on shortness of breath, but the benefits of radiotherapy far outweighs the risks, so I'm not going to dwell on the negatives.

Since finishing Chemo I've had pretty much two months off of being a 'hospital patient', so going back in there last Monday was hard to do and has made me feel rather depressed during the past week.    On my first day of treatment I found it rather bemusing to find myself sitting next to 70 year old men in their dressing gowns in the waiting room.   The fact that all patients need to be half naked during treatment had escaped me, and as there is a shortage of clean hospital gowns patients are encouraged to bring in and wear their own robe.    For all of my treatments I have to strip to the waste and put on my robe (they provide changing rooms), then sit out in the waiting area to be called.   So far I haven't had to wait longer than 20 mins.     When the nurse (radiographer is probably the correct term) calls me I go round the corner down this long wide corridor and into a large room where the LA machine is.  At my hospital I think there are 8 of these machines in total, and they appear to all be in use and busy.   I don't think I will ever get used to seeing how busy this Cancer Centre is!  It's scary.

For every treatment I have to give the nurse my name, address and DOB, obviously so they can make sure they are giving the correct treatment to me and not someone elses.  Then I climb on the bench thingy, lay down and raise my left arm out to the side and above my head to hold onto a handle.  This bench then goes upwards (about 4ft off the ground) and back under the machine.    I'm told to lie heavily and relax whilst the nurses shift my position every so slightly to the left and make pen marks on my chest and underarm.    There is usually 2 to 4 people in the room, all doing their job, reading out measurements and checking that everything is set up accurately.   I'm very impressed with their speedy, professional yet chirpy bedside manner.   They must see dozens of patients in a day and treat all areas of the body, they must see all sorts of sights but just carry on in the same professional manner.    Whilst they are checking everything is set up properly the lights are dimmed a couple of times so they can check the position of the laser - at least I think that's what it is - there's a green laser beam and a red one coming out of the machine, which you can't see when the lights are on full.   So, once all the pre treatment checks are done, the nurses leave the room with a cheery "Here we go!" so they can avoid the radiation themselves and operate the machine from the adjoining room - they can see me via a camera and screen.    I need to stay completely still while the machine runs.  First it blasts me from the left side - not that I can feel or see anything happening but the machine makes a noise when its on, and then it moves over in an arc to my right side and blasts me again twice.    The actual treatment takes a matter of seconds and I'm in the treatment room for a total of 10 minutes all in.    I've now had 7 out of my 20 doses of radiation and so far have only noticed a few shooting pains through my boob and the skin is beginning to dry out.      The main reason I have found it tricky to get time to write this post, is because the journey too and from treatment takes me about an hour each way plus I have to park in Tesco's car park at the hospital so have got way-layed a few times having lunch at Costas or picking up a few supplies.   When I get home there's often only time for a cuppa tea and to empty the dishwasher before I have to go out again on the school run.  It's all go you know!

It's not all doom and gloom though.    I'm also making the most of free alternative therapies offered at the cancer support centre - yesterday I enjoyed a session called Bodytalk, on Thursday I have an Indian Head Massage booked and later in the month, a Mindfulness (otherwise known as meditation) session.   I shall post again on my experience of these.  Bye for now and please visit again! x

Sorry for the silence

This is just a quick post to say I am still here, I will blog again but I've been rather preoccupied with holidays, spending time with the kids and as of Monday gone, attending radiotherapy sessions every day.
After finishing chemo I felt absolutely drained.  Pre cancer I had been in a permanent state of tiredness ever since having my first child, but now thanks to 6 doses of chemo I know what true fatigue feels like, and it's a complete pain in the arse.  It doesnt mix well with being a Mum, and having the kids home on school holidays.   Don't get me wrong,I did enjoy the summer with the kids but was also very grateful to family helping me out by having the kids for a day here and there.
Our trip to Majorca was overall very restful and just what my little family needed.  Time to relax with the sun on our backs and time to lick our emotional wounds left by "the last 6 months".  Both my DH and I find it hard to call it what it is, CANCER.   So, the last 6 months has taken its toll on all 4 of us in various ways.  Our sensitive son showed signs of heightened anxiety over visiting new places, on one visit to a restaurant  10 mins up the road from our apartment in a very family friendly resort, he couldn't eat his food and said he just wanted to get back to the apartment where "he felt safe".   I must just say we weren't bound to the room 24/7 though!  He really loved the pool and spent many happy days swimming, snorkelling and dive bombing!
I'll have to stop this post now, otherwise my sleepy brain which just ramble on and write a load of rubbish.  I've had 4 doses of radiotherapy, which leaves 16 to go!  To get through this I've got to be strict with myself and have early nights. So night all, I will write again soon about my treatment and the up side of cancer - free complimentary therapies and a fresh start.

Silver Lining

Sorry I've been so quiet.    I am VERY happy that I have had my last chemo - over a week ago actually! but I am just rather bored of this whole cancer/chemo thing and haven't felt inspired to write anything.    I am tired, mentally and physically, it's a side effect of the treatment - there are many side effects which I have written about before, but the fatigue I've experienced this time round has been something else.    That combined with the soreness and constant chemical taste in my mouth, makes me feel crappy, oh did I mention my sore feet?! - they hurt even in bed.  Anyway, I don't want to be all doom and gloom, whinging.   I've just got to work through it and keep telling myself it will all pass - in a week or so.  I am very lucky I don't have to live in pain constantly like many people do and I know exactly what is causing all my discomforts.

I've got lots of lovely things to look forward to!   Mini break for the hubsters birthday, spa day and a holiday in Majorca during August.  Bring it on!   I'm hoping that by August I'll have enough hair on my head to feel confident going out and about without a wig or head scarf.   My hair is growing but I'm still sporting the "fluffy chick" look.   But you can see my scalp shining through! not a good look.

I'm looking ahead to getting back to 'normal'.   My darling daughter said to me yesterday "When breast cancer has finished Mummy, will you come swimming with us?"  Bless the child.   I have avoided swimming pools throughout my treatment as I believe they are a breeding ground for germs.  I haven't been to work since February!! and I am looking forward to getting back into a routine, getting out of the house a bit more and exercising my brain as well as my body.   Today is the first day I am drug free! and can hopefully stay that way.

My treatment will finish after 4 weeks of radiotherapy in September.  This will blast any remaining cancer cells that have escaped the chemo and give me the very best odds on the cancer never returning.   Apparently radiotherapy doesn't make you feel ill, just makes the skin sore, like sunburn - so I will have one sore, yet cancer free left tit come October!!

I've also been making the most of some therapy sessions at The Olive Tree.   This registered charity is a wonderfully supportive place for cancer sufferers and their families.    Patients in my area are very lucky that this place exists.   Organisations such as this are supporting patients and complimenting the hard work of the NHS up and down the country.    Oh and whilst I mention the NHS - isn't it great!?!!  MOST patients receive excellent care on a daily basis.   No matter what background you come from or how much money you have - you can get FREE healthcare here in the UK.  This does not happen all around the world.   Let's hope this Government doesn't mess it all up for us and our future.    Please visit the 38 Degrees website if you want to help SAVE THE NHS.

Finally, I must just say how chuffed I am that my Race for Life Team "Oh Marvellous!" have now raised the total sum of £3,740 for Cancer Research UK!!   I am amazed at this figure and am so glad that such a positive thing has evolved from my diagnosis.     This has reaffirmed my belief that "every cloud has a silver lining".