Dear Donna

Dear Donna

The school is in mourning, some parents and pupils are shocked to hear of your passing, some are sad yet relieved as we know you can now rest and be at peace.   No more fighting it, no more pain and discomfort, no more frustration or fear.   Not for you.   You put up a good fight and have been such an amazing positive inspiration to us all.   You taught my son in his first 2 years of infant school, he was still a baby really and you took him under your wing, nurtured and taught him, making sure his school life got off to the best possible start.   I thank you for that.  You not only taught children but you taught adults, how to be better teachers themselves and better people.   When I was diagnosed you gave me a hug and offered your support and understanding.   You had such strength and grace throughout your battle against this wicked disease.   I only wish I could have known you better and for longer.

I'm so sad that cancer did this to you, and can imagine how hard it has been on your nearest and dearest.  But I like to think of you now, in a better place, somewhere out of this world, somewhere with beauty and love all around you.  Where your soul can rest and reflect on what an amazing person you were.  The school will never forget you and all that you did, you will always be in our hearts and minds.

Your cancer journey has made me determined to dig deep and keep fighting, putting my health and fitness first, so your suffering has not been in vain.

Sleep well now Donna, the Angels will take good care of you. xxx

SPREAD THE LOVE!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! to all my family and wonderful friends, blog followers and of course my loving husband,  I LOVE YOU ALL! and thanks for being in my life and making it richer.

I'm urging you to spread the love today, not just to your partner if you have one, but to anyone and everyone in your life whom you cherish.   Go for it, don't hold back, you might just make their day.

I am spreading the love this year because when I think about last year's Valentine's Day bad memories just come flooding back.    I spent Val Day last year at the hospital, having radioactive fluid injected into my breast and then preparing for my surgery the next day.  You can read more about this here.   I guess it wasn't all bad scary stuff as we did manage to squeeze in a Valentine's lunch in a proper restaurant.  You see, no matter how shit life is, there is always space for romance!

Come the evening though, I did feel sorry for myself as I was on Nil By Mouth and obviously full of anxiety about what the following day would bring.     Looking back at my posts about the operation I realise I didn't say too much, probably because I just couldn't think straight.  There was so much I could have said and I just felt overwhelmed by it all.    One lasting memory I have is of the medical staff.   Mainly the Anaesthetist - what a wonderful man!!  He was young, younger than me and just had the most amazing chirpy, confident manner about him.   You literally couldn't help but trust him with your life.     He talked about the general anaesthetic in terms of drinking wine, after the initial dose (first glass) I would feel chilled out and then as he topped it up (2nd glass and so on) I would feel all warm and very dozy, until quite quickly I would be out cold, as if I'd drunk a fair few bottles!   But I wouldn't have a hideous hangover, no banging headache or nausea when I awoke because of all the painkillers and anti nausea meds he would give me whilst in theatre.   He probably says the same thing to all his patients if they're of drinking age, but it really felt like he was taking care of ME and speaking to me in terms I would understand and appreciate.

So my operation is a distant memory now.   The scars are there and I doubt my boob will ever feel completely 'normal' again, but at least its lurgy free and I'm still fighting!

Another reason I have to spread the love today is my kids' school community need it.   We've had some very sad news yesterday but I'm going to write more about this in a separate post.... X

Memoirs of a Mammogram

I'm celebrating tonight! Today I had the dreaded Mammogram and survived to tell the tale.  This was my second one ever, basically it's a year since my breast cancer diagnosis and I was due a post treatment Mammogram to confirm all is well.    As you'll have seen from previous posts, I was dreading having this because the first one I had last February, hurt so much that I felt like asking for gas and air!   Plus obviously I have been anxious about what they might find.   Laying in bed at night, thinking I've found another lump ....not every night (I'm not obsessed with it) but at least once a week.    I coped with today's challenge by cleaning the house, browsing curtain fabrics with my dear Hubster, then popping 2 extra strong painkillers before heading to the hospital.   My wonderful husband always comes with me to these hospital appointments even when it's just a quick check up. His quiet strength and support means everything to me.
So, I'll cut to the chase - the Mammogram itself was basically like clamping your boobs in a vice, but I coped quite well with it and the painkillers definitely played their part.  The Radiographer was very kind and did all she could to help me relax and get it over as quickly as she could.   Usually you would have to wait a week or so for the results of the Mammogram, but as I was scheduled to then have an ultra sound scan on my scarred boob, the Doctor was able to view my Mammogram straight away and give me the results.    Whilst I'm laying there, in a state of undress waiting for him to come and see me, I thought I'd have another feel and see if that little lump I found on one of my sleepless nights was still there.   I found it straight away!  Pea sized and not far from from my scar site, there it was, the little bastard.   Trying not to freak out, I felt reassured by its small size and the fact that I would very soon find out if it was the dreaded C, back again, or just a little cyst or something.   So the Doctor came in and straight away said those precious words "Your mammogram looks fine".   He very quickly got to work covering my boob in gel (ooh Matron!).   Using the ultra sound doplar (I think that's what it's called) he pressed down on my lumpectomy scar and could see a dark area of fluid, which I had suspected was there and wanted rid of.   No problem he said, and was able to stick a needle into the area and drain it off.   He is sending the stuff he drained off to the Pathology lab, to check its nothing horrid, but he said he is confident that it's nothing to worry about.    I was elated to hear his reassuring words about the mammogram pictures, but still concerned about my little pea.  I pointed to where I could feel it and straight away he found it, pressing down hard on it with the doplar - ouch!  But looking at his monitor screen neither of us could see anything there.   Phew!  The
Doctor said any lumpiness that comes and goes is likely to be caused by the radiotherapy, so I don't need to worry.
I left the hospital feeling elated - I got the 'all clear'!   I just need to get to the 5 year mark all clear and I'm home dry - back to the same odds as anyone else of getting it again.  I shall sleep well tonight.