One year on....

Well I've made it through a year!  It's pretty much one year to the day since my cancer diagnosis.   To be precise, the diagnosis was 2nd Feb but by this point last year I had been to visit my GP and was awaiting my appointment at the One Stop Breast Clinic.    So, Happy "Cancerversary" to me!!! I say this in a sarcastic tone, because I really don't feel like celebrating.   Most of my posts are very positive, but right now I'm on a downer, so why pretend?   The bottom line is I still feel bitter and twisted about my diagnosis.  Feelings of why me? Which I know aren't healthy, nor helpful.   Obviously I am eternally grateful that my diagnosis wasn't worse.   All my treatment is done and dusted, they removed the cancer and zapped any remaining cells, then sent me on my way.   The problem is the fear.   The fear of IT returning and having to go through it all again.    My boob doesn't feel fine, it feels tender, lumpy in places and dry.  These are mostly side effects of the radiotherapy, but also of the lumpectomy which I had on 15th Feb 2012.   I was so hoping to be side effect free by now, but I guess I was kidding myself.

Whilst doing my best to focus on a new life, a cancer free, happy and healthy life, I obviously still need to have hospital check ups every now and then and one is looming next week.   I had a quick chat and examination at the clinic last week, where the Doctor says everything seems "fine" but just to be sure I'm lined up for a mammogram and ultra sound scan next Tuesday.    Now seeing as the mammogram I had on 2nd Feb 2012 hurt enough to make me cry, I am seriously dreading having one on my still tender tit, which is full of scar tissue.   My plan to cope with this is to dose myself up on some serious painkillers beforehand, fortunately my darling Husband will be there to dry my tears and drive me home.   It is a necessary evil, I need to know that my boobs are officially lump free.  I am having way too many rough nights sleep at the moment, constantly checking myself and imagining lumps and bumps which seem to disappear come the morning.  So, bring.it.on.

As I said, I'm doing my best to just get on and live a happy, healthy life.    I'm exercising, not every day, but 3 times a week, and if this rain would bugger off I would be doing more!  I am going to train to run 5k before I go on our special family holiday in April.   I will need all the strength and stamina I can get, cos did I mention... We're going to FLORIDA!!!! Whoop whoop!! Now there's a high note to sign off on! Xx

Happy Birthday to me!

Hello, I'm back - apologies for the massive gap in posts but y'know Christmas just got in the way. Plus, I haven't had that much to talk about really.    All is quiet on the cancer front.    The doctors aren't in any hurry to have me back for a check-up, even though they said they would - so early in January I got on the phone and chased them up, and the very efficient secretary sent me an appointment in the post 2 days later.  So my check-up back at the Breast Clinic is next Thursday.   I think it will probably just be a 'chat' and then they'll want me back again for a mammogram sometime in February.   Apparently they can't do one within a year of a breast operation.  Good job too, as a mammogram is painful enough without having tender scar tissue to contend with.  

So today is my birthday, I am the ripe old age of 39 - derr derr derrrrrrr!! Knock knock knocking on the BIG 4.0.    I don't care about what age I am at all, I care more about the age I feel!  and thanks to my efforts at getting fit during the past month or so, I feel about .... 35! Well its a start isn't it.

I have kept to my word about exercising - generally speaking....I have exercised between 3 & 5 times per week since my last post.    Apart from a week after Christmas where I felt under the weather, the lurgy was trying to get me, and it succeeded for a while.   However I got off lightly and bounced back after a day or two.    My trick for fighting the coughs and colds of winter is, as soon as you feel it coming on, dose yourself up on cold remedies, especially Night Nurse at bedtime but also boost the amount of veg you eat.   Green veg mainly, if you can stomach blitzing some greens (cucumber, spinach & rocket) along with water and a dash of lemon juice in a blender and making a Green Smoothie so much the better, because it really does help.   My husband says it tastes rank but I don't agree - you can practically taste the vitamins!

I really wish it wasn't so freezing cold out though, as I want to get running.  I've been using my new Wii Just Dance 4 game to burn some calories and get moving, plus I had my first session back at yoga after the Christmas break this week.  I have really missed it, and although I occasionally used my yoga App, it's not the same.   I love the way yoga slowly builds strength and stamina in your muscles whilst helping your mind to focus then relax in such a blissful way.   

Anyhow I have a new exercise craze to get into, which I'm really excited about - Kettlebells!!!  Basically it's weight training, but is increasing in popularity especially amongst women as it burns calories FAST.   In a 20 minute workout you can burn about 300 calories!  Sounds good to me.   This is the set of Kettlebells I received today for my birthday:

I won't be touching the 8kg one for a very long time (if ever), my hubbie can have that one!  But the 2 and 4 kg will definitely get some use.   As I have said before though, my main focus for all this exercise is to be fit, not thin.   I don't own a pair of scales, and like to keep it that way because I think it is easy to become obsessed about what you weigh.     Out of interest though, I stepped on the scales at Boots the other day.  I am 10 stone.   Which at 5ft 2" is just tipping into the "over weight" bracket, so I need to sort that out and get down to 9 stone at least.    Kettlebell training will burn the fat but also tone up my muscles - perfect.  So watch this space - I haven't actually done any yet!! Tomorrow will be day 1.

Bring.it.on.

On another note - New Year's resolutions, everyone should make them.   Mine are:

1.  Obviously, to get fit - I intend on running the 5k Race for Life this summer, without it killing me.

2.  Enjoy and savor time with my kids more.

3.  Not let other people's opinions of me/my choices in life affect me. 

4.  Live in the moment.

5.  Blog more regularly.

On that note, I will say farewell.   I have red wine and crispy duck on the menu for my birthday dinner!